If I could freeze this moment,
and frame it on the wall,
I'd watch it every time I passed,
These feelings to recall.
I want to keep this mem'ry sharp,
As clear as when 'twas made.
This blissful heart, this quiet joy,
I'd never let it fade.
This night, these days, are bittersweet,
for their ends are drawing nigh.
Time spent with you is far too swift,
precious minutes flying by.
So as I lie here next to you,
in the warmth of your embrace,
I memorize each last detail,
Your scent, touch, smile, face.
For when my time with you is o'er,
These moments will remain.
I'll treasure them like precious jewels,
And chase away the pain.
Author notes
In a few months, we will part, thanks to the Army and separate duty stations. I tried to capture how I felt while lying next to him in the wee hours of the morning after an amazing night together.
In a list
A contest entry
- Easy as Pie by Cyanide Dreams.
3250 points, ended April 17, 2009, 132 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Awesome
It is truly an honor to have a chance to read something from someone who has a degree in creative writing and is experienced but besides that this poem is truly amazing and it captures the emotion you have and had while writing this. I liked how you used the old english language and reminds of of William Shakespeare , the father of literature. This is very well done and you as someone with a degree in this should know this very well =D
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Such a heartbreaker. I really enjoyed this poem. Your rhyme was great and the flow was superb. I liked the imagery this brought to. I'm kind of in the same situation, the guy that I'm falling for is leaving to Texas. Great job on this piece and goog luck in the contest.
Josh
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wonderful poem,
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Better enjoy him while you can. Love does not last.
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Love how you ended it!! Such a well written piece I really enjoyed this
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You should consider writing music, if you don't already. This poem practically sang in my head as I read it, especially the opening lines, though I agree with Sadijara that they seem a bit different from the rest of the poem.
This kind of poem is deeply intimate. I'd say you should feel free to put some parts of yourself into it that only you and he would fully understand but that most everyone else could relate to.
And I think the last stanza could work better. Precious jewels chasing away pain isn't the best analogy.
As a whole, though, you did a great job of capturing the feeling of the moment. I think as you re-read it over time, you'll find things here and there that more fully explain how you felt.
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Wow
This poem was very ecstatic. I loved everything about it. I loved how it was filled with imagery and at the same time I was seeing it, I felt it. And that's a plus, for a poet to have. Especially when it's done in a very effortless manner. So to me, there is no need for revision. You nailed it!
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A very sweet intimate poem
"If I could freeze this moment,
and frame it on the wall,
I'd watch it every time I passed,
These feelings to recall"
This opening verse I would omit( For in a way you have frozen that moment in your mind, your heart and this poem). It seems like a modern person wrote the first verse and the last 4 verses were written in early 19th century poetic verse. The first verse doesnt quite fit with the voice of the rest of the poem, which by the way is very romantic and intimate and very sweet.
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