Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

I


I danced with you beneath an autumn’s leaf...
where did you lose your shoes this morning?

I lost them with a kisses thief
there upon his pillow’s reef,
stole my shoes with little warning,
stole my heart then killed my mourning
and my grief.

I bathed you in seven drops of dew...
where is your shirt which bade long summer?

I swear I haven’t got a clue,
maybe when I drank that brew
with the guy playing the plumber,
haven’t seen a fellow dumber...
maybe you?

I dug for you a bed inside the sea...
where are your silks and left foot stocking?

I bet beneath that damn marquee
where rascal he and vestal me
bartered bodies softly rocking
through the glimmer of hot, docking
flesh debris.

I sang with you a sailor’s crave for rum...
where does it hide your skin’s sweet fallow?

I guess where larks taste sunset’s crumb,
where your lips exhort my thumb
our venery to hallow
when beneath the weeping sallow
we succumb.

Author notes

inspired by a stupidly named rockabilly band playing on the radio, called Eddie and the Flatheads, great music. absolutely no relationship to the poem, call it poetic mind license. the meter here is a killingly difficult 10-9, followed by an easier 8-7, placing the onus of pacing it correctly on the... reader. well, if you wish, no obligation of course. my pleasure, anyway

In a list

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Nicolette gold member
    February 7

    Edit | Reply
    Few people can write love like you do, Joe; few know love like you do; few can write brilliance and mix different poetic styles the way you do. I loved the light, singing quality...i almost want to quote Leonard Cohen's song "dance me to the end of love"!

    ~ Nicolette

    • mimiagatha
      February 7
      Edit | Reply
      your short comments follow in the traces of your short poetry - sublime. thank you, nicolette

  • Pessoa
    February 6

    Edit | Reply
    sounds like a life well-lived. the way you wrote it reminds me of answering to mother (or to a god, i.e. the garden of eden.) love the humour of it. like falling in with Pan. I wish I could give you more than three applause.


  • Danny Beatty gold member
    February 6

    Edit | Reply
    I have no interest in the format, it must stand on its own and the band, i love the band .. and your poem, I love your poem. It has a charming rhyme scheme welldone and one line is beautifully drawn out yet pull back for a nice technical reason: the line is .... 'where does it hide your skin's sweet fallow' .. the reason this is so beautiful is not obvious but the writer did it on purpose because it is exactly at the switch in poetic emphasis in the poem thematically ... on the fourth of nine syllables is the word 'hide' the word rises, it always does like 'sigh' or 'loft' (a sound word) and in so doing it slows the line down much more dramatically than any other line is slown down, yet it still is aperky line because ... this clever poet pulled it at the fourth syllable and not the fifth, you see, which causes the rise to have fewer words to enjamb backwards (this is subliminal, but a nifty trick) and then there is an extra syllable in the latter part of the line for speed to be regained ... the effect is startling and if the reader will just go back and start three lines prior, the effect is quite startling indeed but quietly ... the other lines of same emphasis also have a rising word but for example 'where is your shirt which bade long summer' bade being the rising word but it appears much later in the line and actually speeds the flow up as a result and this true of all the other ones with similar function in the poem ...

    truly artistic, a devil of a good poet and the poem is giggly funny and huggingly tender

    lovely, farcical and sweet this is

    poetry this is

    • mimiagatha
      February 6
      Edit | Reply
      my friend, you humble me into the dust of peak-enjoyment disintegrating into (very) slowly fading afterglow. i knew you to have a sharp, keen, creative knowledge of the art of formless poetry (now it can be said - i read you often, though i never commented, sorry; fact is i rarely comment, and even more rarely on poets with whom i do not have some kind of acquainting relationship). i see you possess a keen eye to rhyme too, a surprise for me, and even more surprising your almost faultless analysis. because, even though i rhyme instinctively, i do pay pedantic attention to just such points as you mentioned (especially in a "confusing" mixed meter environment, which i usually don't adventure into). short of it is - i do appreciate immensely your visit and comment, thank you.


  • myrataal silver member
    February 6

    Edit | Reply

    Yes, Poet, you know how to rhyme ...

    outside reason! Or must I say: BEYOND reason? For love is blind to reason and often also to season.

    How are you, Mi-mi-a-a-agatha?

    Myra

    • mimiagatha
      February 6
      Edit | Reply
      you are one major bliss in my poetic life, my dear myra. thank you. i am ok, and writing as much as ever, just not posting that much anymore. probably one day i will take my dozen+ collections and get them into print, just for the heck of it. waiting to be closer to "the other side" - don't want too many years to pass before i finally get famous, lol. dead - i stand a better chance

      you are an inspiration, myra dear

      btw - love is the sixth sense


      • myrataal silver member
        February 6
        Edit | Reply

        To sense love is a sense ...

        is perhaps the sensible definition of passion ...


  • Sonja
    February 5
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful!

    It was my pleasure too. Your rhyme and rhythm is always amazing, and this is not an expectation. I simply adore how it is written. it Can't stop to go back to read it again and again and...
    ~Sonja~

    • mimiagatha
      February 5
      Edit | Reply
      your adoration just echoes... my adoration for the one this is written for thank you, my dear sonja


  • Sandi Alford gold member
    February 5

    Edit | Reply

    Killer difficulty harvested Stellar results!

    Ah My, dear friend your creativity knows no bounds and brings another masterpiece to feast upon for this readers hungry appetite.

    My favorite part? ~cut and paste here--->in entirety~
    Bravo Poet!

    Let the ink flow!
    love and blessings, Sandi

    • mimiagatha
      February 5
      Edit | Reply
      it is hunger such as yours which feeds... hunger such as mine . thank you for this stellar comment, my dear sandi


  • Night Hope gold member
    February 4

    Edit | Reply

    Superlatives galore...


    Sighhh...ever so lovely lovely love. Yes. I especially enjoyed the ending, although it was quite...ummm...lovely in its entirety.

    *does her Jimi Hendrix/Longjohn Silver imitation (not an easy feat, by the way)* "Heyyy, Joe. Aaarrrggghhh. Gimmee a spot 'rum afore I have ye keelhauled. And don't ye be placin' no 'onus' on me, Matey...I need no black spot, thank ye very kindly. I've spent eons scrubbin' the vestiges of that last one away from the remainders of my earthly flesh, trapped below down there in Davy Jones' locker, ye know. hehehe

    Cool penning, Scribe...& ya even rhymed, too.

    P.S. A "flathead" is a catfish, by the way. Makes fer good eatin' in these here parts, all y'all.

    • mimiagatha
      February 5

      Edit | Reply
      yep, even rhymed my butt off, didn't i? (just finished a speedy check - butt still there, thank goodness...) . thanks as always for a piece of sun, my dear wanda

1 - 15 of 15