In veils of snow, I wander through the down
The biting torments of cold, shiver 'neath my skin.
As the sky darkens as a blissful crown,
My spirit seems tethered to this scene there in.
The bolder currents by the moonlit sky
Reflecting tender bluish light, for me to see.
Along my path the cold pressed close and shy,
As she my mind has come to see, with heart to be
A goddess of the very hour, she kept
The watch on snowy nights, within the forest glen.
Her long snowy tress and tender grace wept
For man, and man alone has wrought this grief by then.
Her gaze sadly drifts in pure veils of white
And finds no warmth returning her immortal stare,
As I approach her, I'm pulled by her sight!
The stores of my shelf long barren of grief or wares,
So hold by mortal eyes in moonlight dim
A creature here, a watcher of the world so grim.
A mystic lady full of woe and frozen tears,
Wept for men, all those long and darken years.
Author notes
I kept this short, it is a simple rhyme scheme, with an alternating line length for its meter, 10 and 12 syllables. I have been reading epics lately...
enjoy, I as well enjoy some inward rhymes with this, but just a touch.
A contest entry
- How much courage do you have? by masterblaster.
13000 points, ended March 7, 2009, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Let me know How this makes you feel, what do you think?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Hi, lovely feel to this poem, once you have mastered meter you will be a force to reckon with,Di
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wow
this is a beauty! I love this! great imagery, fascinating story and nice smooth flow n hyme..yeah, good stuff!!
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i like this its very unique.
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amazing write Tirrell, good luck in contest
l
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I felt the language was occasionally a little over-formal and stilted and the exclamation mark was oddly out of place and unnecessary. But some good imagery.
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Classical
Your poem has a classical lilt to it...takes me back to the poems I studied in my Literature class...poems that nudged us to think, imagine, discuss and awe over.
This is a beautiful composition. BZ
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Truly a lovely flow and rhyme here, and such a delightful theme...As an old poetry classic you have penned it....I wish you well in the contest!
scribing!
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Truly awesome write. I have not tried this form before, but will try in the future. Great imagery!
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i love your poem im not a writer who pays attention to stanzas and what nots i should but that's a waste of time as long as the message reaches out to your readers who cares how it looks
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At times the rhyme in this piece seemed forced and it gave the feeling that there needed to be spaces between stanzas rather than what you have now. Overall this is a lovely piece of work and worthy in content of a trophy. You may want to consider tightening this piece up and looking at it as if you were an editor and this piece was going to go into a magazine or book. I find when I do that, my work improves much more.
I hope that I have not offended but rather have my words taken as the advice they are meant to be. Good luck!
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Your points are noted,
As I will think about them.
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