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Medication

I’ve been in this room, over half of my life
Forgotten lost things, my children, my wife.
White all around me, this jacket surrounds me
locks and buckles
no smiles, no chuckles
Silence is broken in small proportions...
almost not living; a social distortion
They say it stops nightmares, almost like a vacation
They hand out with smiles, the doses of medication
It made me forget, it makes me just sit..
i listen..not a care
making not a sound, wouldn’t dare
Flowing through my veins, it takes out the pain
I’ve been here so long, I’m slowly going insane
Will this stop? I can’t breathe...
but i se things so clear, as much as i don’t even
need to be here
I’m not ordinary..Not odd
They won’t leave...haven’t forgot
My life is shortening, not even small sensations.
we sleep, then we wake..
to new cups of medication.

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • ForeverTorn gold member
    July 21

    Edit | Reply
    This is very good... I do agree with the comment below. Just some reworking and changing words here and there is all it needs to be great. You can see the flow through the choppiness though


  • soulsearchfor1
    February 20
    Edit | Reply
    Very deep and moving excellent write


  • LaVieSansCouleur
    February 6

    Edit | Reply

    Good

    This poem has a lot of good point, and the rhyme scheme is clever. However to make this poem better, you should focus on the syllable count.

    "Silence is broken in small proportions...
    I’m almost not living, I’m a social distortion "

    See how the first line has 10 syllables?
    the second line has 13,

    Because of the syllable difference, it makes this piece sound choppy, it doesn't flow while reading. Unless this was the effect you were going for, the effect of someone taking medication, thus making them drowsy, or symptoms before taking medication

    but for the lines:
    Silence is broken in small proportions...
    I’m almost not living, I’m a social distortion

    try:
    Silence is broken in small proportions...
    I’m barely living; A social distortion



  • The Cube
    February 4

    Edit | Reply
    Medication usually can do more worse than good. If a medication causes you to forget the doses will soon ware off, and then the mind will race trying to find lost thoughts, thuis a relapse will occur, and the process repeats. Sometimes there is no real medication for some cases.


  • Sadpuppet
    February 4
    Edit | Reply
    i love it <----true!

1 - 7 of 7