there used to be a cloud around us
that kept us safe from all the bad
now its just me, and now it seems
a cloud is all i have
its all you left for me to keep
a cloud of memories in my head
of how i thought it all would be
but now it's dreams are dead
no trace of love left in my cloud
and emptyness surrounds me
encircled by a loneleness
that somehow has comsumed me
a melody repeats in my ears
a once familiar love song
with every word and every beat
it is as if i was wrong
i guess you never quite cared for me
the way i care for you still
but if you want to be alone
my heart breaks just to your will
bleh. stinks. i know.
Comments
-
I think that you did a pretty good job writing this.
------------------------------
The Dream Keeper
Bring me all of your dreams,
You dreamer,
Bring me all your
Heart melodies
That I may wrap them
In a blue cloud-cloth
Away from the too-rough fingers
Of the world.
by Langston Hughes
-
It doesn't stink, you write in the more...traditional style, one I do not share, but I can assure this was really good. I did nit enjoy the rhyme, it was to obvious, but the insperation and idea of it is incredible, you should just try working it around and changing the words for less cliche ones.

-
this hurts me... its what im going through no


