When overcast depression surrounds my mind,
I find no pleasure at all anywhere,
only defeats and failures loom large
in the sky of my fortune,
a little child smiles at me so innocently,
I find a friend, I feel myself at home with him.
I cry appealing without knowing what to do,
my ability is all washed away,
my prayer does not have any effect,
a soft voice comes from far-off
so kind so soothing so calming so reliving,
child in me weeps, oh! who are you, my friend
I utter- God bless you! God bless you!!
In this world of great uncertainty
years and decades I try
to correct all wrong I did
but all in vain.
The whip of cause and effect
lashes at me brutally,
no sympathy only action of severe punishment.
You come to me with gentle words-
'do not worry, as you can withstand storm
so God gives you all these what you bear,
a day will come you will conquer.'
Child in me cries, likes to sleep in your lap,
thinks, oh sweet who you are!
***
In a list
A contest entry
- Let Your Inner Child be Heard (PW's Now accepted) by Paloszoo.
800 points, ended February 27, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Falling warrior by Forgotten Warrior.
750 points, ended March 18, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Crawling out of the nightmare I've become by CrystalLizard.
1000 points, ended June 11, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - && sometimes maybe i want to cry too by Simply Simple.
900 points, ended July 14, 36 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Childhood Dreams Are Often The Sweetest by Beatles Girl.
800 points, ended October 2, 28 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Overcome the impossible. by bballer21.
625 points, ended November 25, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Personify by silverscent.
700 points, ended November 25, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - What Defines You? by English.Muffin.
1300 points, ended November 17, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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This was a very sweet and interesting poem. I love your imagery and how you got so much into a short poem.
Thank you for your entry
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Well written!
Very nice. This is a piece full of passion and talent. Good luck to you and thanks for entering.
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Good write. I appreciate the entry.
Tay Christine. -
This is absolutely wonderful! Thank you so much for entering =]
-K -
'In this world of great uncertainty
years and decades I try
to correct all wrong I did
but all in vain.' -- This part is very powerful.
Thank you for entering my contest, and good luck. -
Thank you for your entry
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So far the one that got the closest to making my cry. I don't know why. This just struck a nerve. Amazing poem. I'll make final judgements a bit later though.
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Beautiful.
Thank you for this entry. It made me feel and reflect.
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Lovely sentiment here—the sweet child of memory embracing the flawed failure of an adult self.... I love the lines "the whip of cause and effect / lashes at me brutally." The ending is soft and poignant. Thank you so much for your entry, and good luck.
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Wow. Great imagery. I really like the part when you said, "only defeats and failures loom large
in the sky of my fortune"
and the ending was great. Good write and thanks for entering. -
I have already read this but right now this piece has special meaning to me. Bravo again as I think this is an awesome write.
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Wisdom Realized Within
a soft voice comes from far-off
so kind so soothing so calming so reliving,
child in me weeps, oh! who are you, my friend
I utter- God bless you! God bless you!!
The whip of cause and effect
lashes at me brutally,
no sympathy only action of severe punishment
The laws of Nature are without pause to reach the cause, exactingly.
Dear Poet
Thank you for entering my contest: PREWRITES FOR BRONZE & SILVER TROPHY WINNERS, ONLY with your submission I AM A CHILD
We must be aware of our words, deeds, thoughts, everything; they effect the causes of our life.
Wishing you the best
till then
stay
liquid
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i like this, but it confused me a bit...
good luck w this great write -
I can relate to this actually. I think this is amazing.
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This is really a beautiful poem and a pleasure to read. I do think you missed the point of my contest.
Love,
Amera♥
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I like this. The first line was really good. It's captivating in a way and it is open about the saddness of this character. I'm not a fan of the lack of grammar but I did like this. Good job and good luck! ~Des
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Wow
This was just amazing, i loved every part of it, i had the urge to give gold straight away haha, but no i cant do that. But still, wow
Thank you! just what i wanted
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I am impressed by the concept.
Quite unlike anything I have read in a long while.
Impressive.
Thank you for entering this into my contest.
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Really profound. I enjoyed this poem. Thanks for entering!!
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beautiful
such powerful emotions run through your poem. you paint a vivid picture of the prompt you chose. thankyou so much for sharing
RareFlower
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beautiful poem. thanks for entering this little treat. was lovely oto read and very sad indeed in places.
Child in me cries, likes to sleep in your lap,
thinks, oh sweet who you are!
lovely. xx -
this is sad but yet hopeful in a way. i love the last lines:
'do not worry, as you can withstand storm
so God gives you all these what you bear,
a day will come you will conquer.'
thanks for entering my contest. good luck. -
Absolutely lovely! Nicely done! This is what I'm looking for! Thanks for entering my contest. Good luck. I'm honored to have you show your work here.
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I like the idea behind this, the child within.
The fact that no matter how much we grow, or what we've been through, there is always a part of us that just wants someone to kiss it all better.
I liked the style of this write...The freeness of the expression too..
Great jonb, and thanks for entering. -
I could not know more about you from this poem but one thing I have to say is that you are a person with deep faith. Keep up your faith and good luck to you in the contest..
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deeply
moving..good luck in the contest..
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"in the sky of my fortune" - that's a nice phrase. I can certainly sympathize with the feeling of going nowhere despite great efforts.
Lots of hope at the end. Thank you for entering my contest. -
Excellent imagery and really emotive language, which is straying from your usual form. Also, you talk about the Self quite a lot here- much more personal thoughts on this than usual.
I like the changed you've made to your style!
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oh sandip ...
this is one of the most touching poems I have read in a very long time, my brother ... and definitely one of my favorite poems by you, if not my favorite !
I just love the voice of the innocent little child speaking through you, and the feeling of surrender that your words describe ...
we all must become little children again, in order to taste the bliss that has been waiting for us for so long ...
all is well now, my brother, you are on your way home ...
and soon you will smile all over your face, realizing that you have never even left it !
your grief is my grief, and your joy is my joy ...
much, much love,
didi maa
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AWW this is so cute and inspirational to all who read it! I really enjoyed your take on the prompt! THANK YOU for your entry!
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