With how bold an act, Oh Lady, you broke the rule
so adamantly, and with no fear in your eyes
what, might it be your innocence about stern canon
that crafty beast his moving tongue aimed at?
Crimson sweet, the taste of penalty lured you?
Overt, thus that untainted heart is flawed
violated law froze the land, life and blood
earth, brooks, birds, trees and all stood still.
The Hallowed Arbiter marked your naïveté
denied eternal stay on cloud nine fast
fatality, what you, me and they bind to,
was the signpost kept at each man’s end.
The first ever sin you committed then
later blessed us with fully regained heaven.
Author notes
Tribute to my 'FIRST MOTHER', Eve.
A contest entry
- Win $50, and be published in the next Allpoetry Book! Relationships theme by Kevin.
400 points, ended March 5, 115 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
:)
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Imagively descriptive, you paint a vivid picture of our beginnings and what brought about the change.
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With how bold an act, Oh Lady, you broke the rule
so adamantly, and with no fear in your eyes
liked this Kiddy
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This is the first time i have read your work. I like the speed of the words here. You are the master of that. Eve indeed broke the rule fast. Well, heaven may be regained: but, at what price.
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Frozen Paradise........is Freezing Heart.....
Nice Lines... Good Show.... -
nice lines
love the line. the tasteof sweet penalty lured you. keeppenning poet. -
Hi Kiddy, as I read this this stuck in my head: The Hallowed Arbiter marked your naïveté
denied eternal stay on cloud nine fast
fatality, what you, me and they bind to,
was the signpost kept at each man’s end.
it gave me such a feeling of a search, the line
enied eternal stay on cloud nine made me think if you could not stay where you would most likely be, (who does not want to be on cld 9?) then you wander...
If Eve was that happy in her garden.. she would have stayed and would not been content where she was, and the cause of her "sin" caused the whole human race to become wanderers.. always trying to go back to that one place we should have belonged to..
That was my inspiration for Wanderer.. thank you so much for commenting
Lilian
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That was my idea... I know ideas differ from person to person... of course, you are so right... I liked the way you have taken the poem for... in the stanza you mentioned above - Hallowed Arbiter is God//Cloud Nine is Heaven//fatality and signpost are supposed to be Death//
thanks for your time... getting more comments was not my intention...just wanted to know how different the readers are....
Love and regards
Kiddy
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Unusual
The tone here could have been penned by Shakespear himself.. it just had something about it...I liked it, great way to describe the "giver" or life..
Lilian
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i like this...it's interesting and thoughtful!
thanks for your entry! -
This is a nicely written poem. I like it a lot. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for placing it on the readers list.
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This is intriguing and powerful. I especially like the line, "Crimson sweet, the taste of penalty lured you?"
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Very interesting thoughts and well written, too. Good luck in your contest.
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