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Some one call bitterness? (Bitches, lets kill the 14th)

You are my prince and I your faithful princess.
We will trudge through the sorrows of life with head high and heart golden.
And when the sun does not shi-
                                                ---------------------------
w-w-ait.
This isn’t my life?
Eye=open.
Oh.
It was a dream.

Well all the princes have been contorted to malice eyes and hidden agendas.
The princesses are popularity whores with a (not-so) concealed addiction to cocaine.

Laugh, laugh, laugh.
We are all swallowing pills inscribed
                                                  “Escape”
So why are we still here?




You used to be my knight in s:h:i:n:i:n:g armour,
But now you’re just a drunken s
                                              t
                                                    u
                                                  m
                                              b
                                                l
                                                    e
                                                      of rusting metal.
And your lies aren’t the .|saccharine|. taste I used to adore so much.
              Oh what happen to us sweetie?

Stupid cupid, he shot the arrow on my lips
and now each ‘real’ationship has been d o o m e d from the beginning.
Your stupid little call girl spilled every word of her deceit.
I was holding a knife to her neck and the truth was pouring
                                                                                              out.
      Mess with me and let me tell you,
                                                She is nothing now.

I am a bitch with a heart of d-r-y  i-c-e.
I am burning your faith in hearts as we speak.
                  [Yeah, well I tend to have that effect on people.]

You were charming and then you broke me.
S/\h/\a/\t/\t/\e/\r/\i/\n/\g me with every shard of diamond that used to glow in your eyes.

Look at that sepia memory framed as a photograph.
Well that (used) to be us love,
All laughs and sweat-stricken summer smiles
Well it seems you i|n|j|e|c|t|e|d a little clarity to that situation.

14th of February is dawning and I can feel my patience wanning.









Turn off the alarm;;
This day will already be a nightmare enough.


Author notes

Okay; So this form is Dirty Pretty.
Obviously the grammer all throughout will be pretty on edge, but that's dirty pretty for you.
AP Name: Candy Morphine


evil angels are the best kind

A contest entry

. . . There's not much left to say . . .

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • perfectsunset gold member
    April 5

    Edit | Reply
    Title- 5/5
    Creativity- 4/5
    Use of metaphors, imagery, etc.- 10/10
    Overall package- 4/5

    Total= 23/25

    This was amazing. I really
    liked you pulled everything
    together so nicely, it worked
    for this piece even with grammar
    on edge.

    Thanks for entering


  • PerfectImperfection
    February 25

    Edit | Reply
    An interesting take on the dreaded day of blisslessness for the unhinged. Unique flow and framing form. Nice write. Thank you for your entry!


  • Still Standing gold member
    February 9

    Edit | Reply

    The ending

    pierced my heart for real!!!

    Turn off the alarm;;
    This day will already be a nightmare enough.

    The whole poem was outstanding and creative though...I love dirty pretty and don't think it gets its props as it should! This spoke volumes good job and good luck thanks for entering!

  • the evil angel
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This is incredible. I've already decided not to look into dirty pretty but this is a really amazing write that evokes such a response from me. Very well done on doing that. It's one of those few poems that actually make me want to gush about it (I always end up focusing on the bad, not the good, so those moments when I'm struck speechless are few and far between). VERY well written and intriguing write. Thank you so much for showing me this.


  • silvermisery
    February 8

    Edit | Reply

    amazing

    i love it... it's so hard to choose which part is my favorite but I'd have to say that

    "Well all the princes have been contorted to malice eyes and hidden agendas.
    The princesses are popularity whores with a (not-so) concealed addiction to cocaine.

    Laugh, laugh, laugh.
    We are all swallowing pills inscribed
    “Escape”
    But why are we still here?"

    Most people who do drugs really are looking for an escape, and laugh, laugh, laugh just really speaks to me because I know so many people who laugh as a way of concealing, dealing, and covering their life's issues.

    If I had to make a suggestion it would be that I think the word "well" was a bit overused but I think it's also stunning just as it is.

    Kudos!


  • xxSerendipityxx
    February 5

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is very very good. My favorite part is
    "You used to be my knight in s:h:i:n:i:n:g armour,
    But now you’re just a drunken s
    t
    u
    m
    b
    l
    e
    of rusting metal.
    And your lies aren’t the .|saccharine|. taste I used to adore so much.
    Oh what happen to us sweetie?

    Stupid cupid, he shot the arrow on my lips
    and now each ‘real’ationship has been d o o m e d from the beginning."

    I also like how at the end you put
    "Turn off the alarm;;
    This day will already be a nightmare enough."
    showing that it was all a dream but in actuality everything stated in this poem was true. Great write and good luck in the contests!

  • the evil angel
    February 4
    Edit | Reply
    And what is dirty pretty? I asked for that too Will comment on the actual poem later.


  • Silent Emotions
    February 4

    Edit | Reply
    "We are all swallowing pills inscribed
    “Escape”

    My favorite line. It makes me think how drugs are just a means of trying to escape.

    You are quite good with dirty pretty. Im still trying to figure out how to do it myself.

    I like how it starts off as a dream then realization hits and it turns bitter and sarcastic. <----- two emotions I know all too well =)


  • brandy.
    February 4

    Edit | Reply
    ohhh, this is my favorite part:




    You used to be my knight in s:h:i:n:i:n:g armour,
    But now you’re just a drunken s
    t
    u
    m
    b
    l
    e
    of rusting metal.
    And your lies aren’t the .|saccharine|. taste I used to adore so much.
    Oh what happen to us sweetie?




    you're good at dirty pretty, most people are too cliche.


    <3


  • Kiss the girl--x
    February 4

    Edit | Reply
    i like this version better, i read your other as well, i think its even more bitter with the use of dp, i don't really know why, but i just kinda get that feeling.

    and i really like the final two lines, they work really really well

    hope you're okie
    ♥


    • Candy Morphine
      February 5
      Edit | Reply
      haha yeah i knoww;;; it accidently posted twice when i was trying to make those changes for some reason:/


  • Nienna Calmcacil
    February 4

    Edit | Reply
    Wow that was pretty epic, I must say.

    Valentine's day has always sucked for me. Lol. I'll help you kill the 14th ^_^


  • L.Jay
    February 3
    Edit | Reply
    once again a wonderful write! and i love the fact that i can relate to everything you write.


  • August Starlight silver member
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    Good luck on the contest!
    This is amazing, especially how you started it up like a dream and ended it with the alarm clock.

1 - 17 of 17