What makes a person fall in love with another person? When you find that other person that feels " right," how do you know if he/she is the one? What do you do if you feel that he/she is but they don't feel the same?
Nine years ago I met the love of my life. I am pretty sure I fell for him the first time he turned that smile of his my way! We could have, we should have had it all and yet I sit here all alone pinning for something that I never truly had. I touched it. I felt it and never in my life did I ever want anything more than what I thought we had. So why am I alone? What went wrong? Where do I go from here? With out the most valued of my prize possessions......my heart?
You see, I can't just move on. Several reasons. One being that I am not about to settle for less than I found with him. I want those sparks to fly. I want a man who can leave me breathless and melting with merely a " look!" I want the physical attraction to be as strong as the emotional attraction. I want that...." once in a lifetime, passion and desire filled love of my life." I want that and I can not nor am I willing to let that go!
I tried to date again. I met a truly wonderful man who treated me like a damn fairy Princess. He was the epitome of a gentleman in every sense of the word. I was lucky and what did I do? I broke his heart because I did not love him the way I love this other man and after eight long months with no contact this other guy shows up at my door and it was as if no time had passed what so ever!
I should be able to move on, he has. My heart just seems stuck on stupid. I miss him every second of every day and I don't know what to do about it. Just about the time I think I have a grip a memory comes along and carries the emotions with themselves and then I am right back to square one. I write poetry....I'm working on a book as well because I don't want it all to be for nothing. I don't hate him. I could never and I want something good to come from something that meant so much to me. Loving him.........but where does this story end if I can never love again?
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