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Atoms and Electrons

Sitting, I stare off into space
as if seeing the atoms and electrons
making up the the world,
I would gain an understanding
of why I allow the hurt to continue.

Incapable of movement,
it just brings more pain,
I wish I could slide inside
those tiny atoms and disappear.

I can't seem to walk out,
I know I should,
I know that if he really loved me
he wouldn't hit me,
I know some of the things that he hates,
I wish I knew them all,
I know by doing them,
I deserve such punishment.

I don't know how much more I can take,
I feel broken emotionally, spiritually,
I am breaking physically,
I wish I was dead,
I wish he was dead.

All is quiet now,
only his snores disturb the night,
a chorus for the hell I'm in,
my lover is my own personal demon,
alcohol is the Satan that rules him.

I am not strong enough to leave,
I just endure,
until that day when,
I do finally leave him,
in a manner of his choosing,
becoming atoms and electrons,
joining the universe finally at peace.

Author notes

This is not about me, but about a friend I know who feels trapped and will not leave.

This is my fresh write as required by the rules of the contest.

Amythest Moonjade

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • adsaige
    July 21

    Edit | Reply
    Please do not take offense to my following comment. I often comment harshly on poems I find have strong potential to be great:

    Despite its important message about abuse, the writing itself was very bland and uniform. The only connection I felt to this was my own experience through older generations of this I see. I felt the write was empty and no different than something you might find a twelve year old writing, the only difference the tone is more clear and they would have (possible) decorated the poem with metaphors and synonyms.

    I think with editing the poem can reach its full potential. My suggestion is to take the time and find some personal relation with your write. NOT just what your friend is going through but yourself as well.


  • penman gold member
    March 27
    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    Very creative and so well done. Best of luck in the contest.