Scarlet pain flows, surrendering to loves clarity.
Condemned no more, she bleeds relief,
Freedom of Christ brought her to her feet.
Bleak depression now feeds from obscurity,
Starved in the void of its ample intentions.
Dehydrated petals rolled tight with prayer;
An agent of peace for her embattled self.
Author notes
A) http://i594.photobucket.com/albums/tt22/mkay1197/pain.jpg
The religious symbols in the pic. with the message on her wrist were all I could find that I could use to turn this around. A very difficult choice of pics LOL.
"Evil angels are the best kind"
AP Name is Knickerdew, sorry I forgot to put it here orginally.
A contest entry
- From One to the Other... by the evil angel.
650 points, ends December 5, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
first of all that picture was really trippy. the way you turned it into... this... was amazing. I am quite astounded it was spot on. good work.
-
-
LOL! Yeah it was pretty difficult to come up with something 'light' from that picture.
An interesting contest to say the least.
Thanks for your comment
-
-
Very well penned. So much power in so little words. Very good thing to cling to. Even though I'm not religious...
A few corrections: the first line should NOT have a semicolon in it. That is a grammar infraction. Surrendering to love's clarity cannot be a sentence on its own therefore it HAS to be a comma instead. And "darkend?" That's a bit of a spelling disaster that could have easily been avoided.
"Its" not "it's." It's a very common mistake: it's means it is. It does not show possession. Very small little details but it's the small details that really push the piece from one edge to the other for me. It can be brilliant and if it's using improper english, I'll go crazy.
In general very brilliant imagery and wording. You really moved me here. Well done. -
-
Darkened didn't seem right? So I switched to bleak.
Thanx for pointers! And I agree it is the details that determine the direction of a write.
I can overlook punctuation and just assume what people are trying to say but I find I am often wrong LOL.
It's spelling that I find myself wanting to correct.
SO! I appreciate your help and hope that I covered all the necessary corrections.
-
-
wow
very powerful piece my friend, but i'm used to you penning powerful pieces..great imagery also..
-
-
Thanx sweetness! Hugz...
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
