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Immobile Minds


Soulless eyes leer
smothering the air,
toxins slither upon
putrid flesh
seeking crevices
and curves
infesting torpid thought.

Dreams bubble
blistering into nightmares
pestilent threads begin to coil
their grip tightening.
contaminating all.

Soul is torn,
shredded with vigour
until
no fragments are left.

Yet nothing penetrates
emotions deadlocked
trapped in time
still numb.


Author notes

Meh not written in an age, still need to work on this I think, the end is lame. Will do it before the contest closes tho

A contest entry

I can see who calls cos I'm nosy, so be nice and comment.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Callisto Athena gold member
    February 13

    Edit | Reply
    Strange and thoughtful piece, full of dark imagery and well-deserving of your trophy, Hon.. Beautifully written..


  • Draig aine gold member
    February 13
    Edit | Reply

    a sliver most worthily won!!


  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    February 13

    Edit | Reply
    Such an excellent piece. You imagery is so c=vivid and powerful, but you do that amazingly well. Such a gripping write.
    Best wishes in the contest
    Gaylene


  • Draig aine gold member
    February 12
    Edit | Reply

    love it

    I understand sweet fritzs praise of your talent


  • Mariana gold member
    February 12

    Edit | Reply
    Your vivid imagery describes the prompt so succinctly. This is impressive. Bravo!
    Good luck with the contest

    Mariana


  • Amera gold member
    February 5

    Edit | Reply
    I am so impressed, impressed with your mastery of adjectives. This poem is captivating as it is festering with vocabulary that slimes its way into the readers mind. The imagery is dark and toxic. Well done!

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • Fritz O skennick gold member
    February 5

    Edit | Reply

    SHE'S BACK!!!!!!!!!

    Pink, this is awesome...
    Loving your freeverse...
    Its heartfelt, honest & has an emotional depth that is staggering... With your trademark imagery & poetic device, it sure looks gold to me...
    Keep up the good work...
    Well done!!!


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    February 4

    Edit | Reply
    Damn! I've been in this place before!! That numb can either be forced upon us, or we do it ourselves as a self protection.

    This is fab hunny and I don't think the ending is lame at all!


  • afroqban
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    this is hot! i dont think the ending is lame, it wrapped it up pretty well...though there is always room for improvement. you know how it is, a poem is never complete. much love to you, i enjoyed this


  • maralisa silver member
    February 3
    Edit | Reply
    aw a very deep and vivid poem good luck in the contestmaralisa


  • andywontdie silver member
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    Nice job so far, it can only get better from here sis, I will say that it does seem to be missing something, elusive as it is but its a great start and and I know you will do this bad boy justice Good luck in the contest, you always get a trophy in my book.

    ur bro steve


  • PastelMoons gold member
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    "shredded with vigour
    until no fragments are left."

    What an image that created
    Very sorrowful but as always
    written beautifully
    Good luck in the contest
    *roes*
    ~Pastel

1 - 12 of 12