You are still in my brain
You’re causing so much pain
I still can’t believe
You used my feelings
For your foolish game
Named LOVE
Held you close in my arms
Felt so nice and warm
I gave you my love
I gave you my heart
I gave you all I had
Got nothing back except
Pain that’s driving me insane
You are still in my heart
My love for you will never die
My thoughts will always be with you
And the pain I feel inside will always
Remind me of someone I still LOVE
A contest entry
- Love. (Prewrites welcome) by Coloured Skies.
600 points, ended February 3, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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this is sad , like me
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For your foolish game
Named LOVE
This is my favorite part because it really stands out.
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foolish game?
Nice poem but try to avoid opposite words in a single expression..like 'Foolish Game and Love'..this is really a strange expression.
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Well written and worthy of a prize. True feelings may never go away but believe me it will hurt less with time. Then one day you'll find that special one and realize that love you felt was just a bad memory. Wishing you much love and happiness in the future to come. God Bless, Jo-Ann
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an emotional poem Hamid. I feel my eyes producing tears.
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Very nice
Its a very well expressed sad poem. well according to me in real world love does not exists and love is a sign of immaturity . great job
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A marvellous, sad write. it's filled with real emotion.
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This always seem to be the case when love is involved.
I love this poem, so much emotion, it's really got me thinking.
-Unperfect -
Such pain, Love should always be a beautiful thing however the ending seems to be the hardest part...when you've loved so deeply then it's taken away its hard to put into words except that it can and will sometimes bring confusion and insanity but thats love for you, and the price we pay for it!
Excellent write with raw emotion and flow...
~Kimberly~
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Wonderful write, full of emotion and yes the paradox of love which never dies even when betrayed.
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very sadd and emotional write. very good. likes it lots
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So sad, but an excellent write.
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this is so sad but so good. i defintaly know how you feel. there have been way to many times that someone gave someone else all they had and not get nething back but a broken heart. im sorry, hang in there :]
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Heartfelt Poem
Your words touch the reader's heart. Many can relate to the sad feelings expressed in your lovely poem. A delight to read this morning. Take care, Sandy
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Woah, I know exactly what you feel in the words you've expressed, love is painful and yet so powerful. great write, very vivid imagery!
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This is sad, but a great write! Thanks so much for sharing this here with us!
A very fine write!
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Such a sad poem that is written with such heartfelt emotion. I often wonder why people throw back in our faces the beautiful things that we try to share. Do people realise the pain they cause?
Best wishes in the contest.
Gaylene
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Clear and sincere. I liked how you opened it with the two sides of your feelings. To those who can relate, it's an impactive piece which drives it's anguish close to home...
Otherwise it's a very nice poem that flows nicely and has its own special ring to it.. It more than achieves its purpose.
Keep writing,
Jared
P.S. If you want 'real' criticism then just think about any punctuation etc. that tells the reader exactly how you want it to be read. Imagine these are words you're actually saying to someone. Poetry's generally a verbal thing..it's a personality, and it will look after itself if you put aside worrying how 'good' it is. At least that's how I feel..
Tc.
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Heartfelt
Loss of a loved one through death or separation - is something I can relate to.
Kindest Regards,
Cheryl
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Thanks
Thanks for your valuable comments Jason. These thing really help me to perform better. hope for the same in future.
Be happy
Ali -
i thing that you mean to ask "What do you think?"
I really liked this but I saw you want critical comments to help you improve so I might suggest an expansion of vocabulary. I like the style though.
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RAW EMOTION! With such pain.
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Yeah, this one is definitely filled with some really intense pain, and a sense of hope despite the hurt...another pretty intense feeling. The repetition of Igave, I gave, I gave, really adds to the speaker's frustration...like it fell apart despite everything he tried to do. Nicely done.
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Very good.
OMG (Oh my goodness)
I absolutely loved this.
I loved the introduction.
I understand how you felt.
And the last 5 lines were so awesome.
It was touching and very easy to grasp and understand with your emotions.
Very good.
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This is amazing keep it up
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gr8 how it is
critical comments? duude i honestly have nothing critical to say about it, its beautiful.
maybe cause i feel exactly the same way, maybe cause its just perfect how it is. but from where im standing i wouldnt want you to change a single thing about it. its great how it is. so much honesty init, its just pure emotion, feeling, love and hate.
honestly. keep writing. XX
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Please!
I need critical comments that can help me to improe my skills. Thanks
Ali
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