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The Girl by the Stream

Halfway across a happy stream in a wood,
a girl sat on a brdige,
her legs draped carelessly over the edge.

Her feet, dipped just so slightly in the stream,
enjoyed the sensation of the cold water gently laughing past them.
She hummed to herself a happy tune,
the wrods to which she only vaguely remembered,
but that didn't matter.
She played with sticks, throwing them into the water,
watching as the whispering current dragged them into the ponderous infinity.

There seemed something, she thought, rather precipitous,
about the way the sticks slowly approached the little falls,
and then vanished into the hushing foams,
never again seen.
She watched, ever more fascinated,
by the sticks' short journeys,
from inception,
to oblivion.
She dropped one mroe into the stream.

Then arrived the angry voice of her father,
calling for her,
threatening, in his usual way, to do all those things
she knew he'd make good on.
She stood up,
and saw that the stick had already vanished beyond the mist,
and smiled:
Perhaps life wasn't so long,
after all.


-D.B.

Author notes

Other free-verse poem. They'll look back, and if I were to become a well-known writer (ha!), they'll try to teach what D.F. Barley's poetic style was, and there really won't BE any particular style. I write what comes to me.

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Comments


  • albymyheart gold member
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    Oh...very good ending, I didn't see it coming at all, and it was so well written with brevity and not by 'spelling her thoughts out' in long-hand. Great imagery; has a reflective feel; nice nature references...a pleasing poem to read.

    Crit: (hope you don't mind)
    Typo line 2: 'brdige' > 'bridge'
    line 7: 'wrods' > 'words'
    line 19: 'mroe' > 'more'

    Suggest maybe ' gently giggling' instead of "gently laughing" in reference to the water. Laughing tends to be louder and not so gentle. Just a thought though.

    A really lovely poem and a pleasure to read...alby

  • Dan, I LOVE that you're online and I get to read some more of your great poetry, but... my word, slow it down a bit? My poor little concentration span has long since eloped! Still, had to come back to this, because it's definately one of my favourites! I love everything about it. I'll return to comment on the others soon, okay? But brilliant poem!