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And yet I'm not Dorothy...

out of the transcription
of my sins
you leapt forth

a gaping hole
where my heart once was

you stole it
and ran away
down the yellow brick road

Author notes

Prompt: http://a-fiery-boom.deviantart.com/art/PHEAR-111627509
That photo. Full credit to a-fiery-boom

29 words.

Yes, I abandoned punctuation.

Epic. Fail.

A contest entry

Blah-fish - Constructive criticism is appreciated

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    February 10, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Your title captured me and I found a world in this short, tight verse. I refrain from viewing the prompt at this time to get a feel for the piece as a whole.

    It has that eerie feel to it, almost a 'white rabbit' syndrome and I liked that very much.

    Mystery, thought and intrigue.

    Your title truly captures and spells the essence of the theme. No image necessary to form my ideas and visuals.

    Nice work with this. Your vision is bright and you have wonderful talent. Thank you. ~Pamela


  • Cannonsfire
    February 2, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    i like this...yellow brick road lol kind of makes me think of Elton and feather boa's though


  • Noir mariposa...x gold member
    February 2, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Well I liked it lol
    I think it Epic. Ruled. so

    What were you gonna use Dorothy as? The yellow brick road sounds better anyway



    Good luck ^^