when she appeared
calling out
like a moon,
i followed her
deep into
the blooms
of her evening
she smelled of mystery
and her eyes, filled with lore,
led me past my nightmares
i kissed her
knowing that
when I awoke
her warmth
would still
tempt
Author notes
http://enayla.deviantart.com/art/Spoiled-31721883
inspired this poem.
my team mates:
Fug-azi
Adsaige
(fantasy team)
peace to all ~flight
A contest entry
- UNPLANNED: Round 2 by Never Fall in Love.
400 points, ended February 13, 2009, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
honesty
Comments
-
I keep feeling that when you are writing, you are missing something, hiding something, even.
There is so much more you can say, and I know it because of how incomplete this feels.
I think you can do better, for sure. You just need to step it up.
-
I think that the images in this piece were deviced like your normal powerhouse visuals, but I just don't think there was enough to this piece.
It was short, and short pieces are alright, as long as they leave an impression in their quick lives . . . But I didn't quite find enough / get enough from this piece for it to be cut off where it was . . . I needed more to really catch the whole strength this could have had.
I think you are an extremely talented writer, but you just have more you could give.
I really loved the images you did have though, it was an extremely refreshing take of the picture --
thanks for the entry.
-
Good Luck, Girl!!!
The rhyme in the first stanza is beautiful.
My question, why nightmares? I do find that...perhaps...I think that you can use a better image here than nightmares, but that is your call.
I think there were some very beautiful parts in this short write. I think the first stanza was the most amazing part of this poem...and you did the picture well.
Good Luck.
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