tonight, when i see you,
i'll wear an orange dress
though if i were truthful
i'd say it is white
and only the flowers are orange
but from a distance
who can tell?
and i realise as i dress,
fretting over my hair,
(it's so short now, so hard to style,
but you told me you loved it
and i hope you still do)
i realise this is the first time
since i've known you
that i have not worn black
you probably won't notice -
after all, you are a man
but i want you to
it's funny, really, how much i care,
for i haven't known you long
though these past two weeks
have seemed like years
i see you every other day
i know i'm young,
much younger than you
(they call seven years
bad luck)
but i don't think it matters
i've never felt that difference
and they warn not to trust
in a teenage heart
they say those pasion can never last
but my adolescent soul's still fine
i've not been burned by love
(did i just write that word,
four letters that start with l?)
i'll admit that i don't know
what love really is,
but believe me when i say
i feel something for you
and love's the only word
that feels right
so tonight i wear a flowered dress
unlike my punkish style
because this softness
it's me too
and i want you to care
Author notes
no apologies for the lack of capitals - a stylistic choice, not just laziness.
i actually wrote this for someone, though i'm never going to show it to him. the "you" is a real person, my feelings are all true. for once, this is me.
and i suppose i should add, given that this is a true story, that he kissed me that night. so i guess he cared a bit after all.
A contest entry
- Win $50, and be published in the next Allpoetry Book! Relationships theme by Kevin.
400 points, ended March 5, 115 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Beginnings by Borglesnarf.
1500 points, ended March 7, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Very nice
Nicely written, but I think you could have done more with less. -
I really enjoyed this poem...It just seemed very real, I guess. It felt very sincere and authentic in it's sentiments...particularly the fact that you wanted to wear a soft color in order to show a different side of yourself. It just felt as if I was being shown a very personal moment of your life. Thanks for sharing.
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This was great. I like how you showed this guy that there was more than one side of you. You express yourself beautifully through poetry. There are a couple spelling mistakes, but I don't know if you did that on purpose to achieve some kind of artistic expression. Anyway, real and raw emotion; i like that. Great write!
[Liz<3]
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INTROSPECTIVE
I very much liked the underlying message. This point seemed to set the tone: "that i have not worn black" At some point there may be trust and confidence, then show it to him... did you dated it?
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well, first off, capitalize your 'i's, it detracts from a poem if it has improper punctuation unless it's obviously a free-rant. actually after reading further I don't know why you have this up on the shameless box at all, it seems more a letter that you'd maybe post as an after-thought if at all so you wouldn't lose it. seven years is a bit pushing it says my lover four years my junior. just because he kissed you doesn't mean he cares, sorry, hopefully I'm wrong. actually since he's seven years older than you, and he kissed you after only two weeks he sounds like a scumbag. Skeezes can be very deceiving, they usually seem sweet and nice until your panties are beside their bed. anyway this isn't a very good poem and it doesn't seem like you should have posted it in the shameless box, I hate all the people below me that insist on talking you up when they know that this poem isn't a very good write. it has no repitition, the flow is jagged and the ideas are very... young. anyway my girl here says that punks wear whatever the fuck they want, so stop shopping at hot topic, it doesn't mean shit, nothing 'fit's into what you should wear according to punky style, that's travesty, kinda the antithesis of punk.
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i must say, the first time i read this comment i wanted to argue every little thing you said. but now i see the humour in it.
thanks so much for you CONSTRUCTIVE critism. you've told me so many ways i can imrpove it. "this isn't a very good poem"
but the one thing i do have to argue is you calling my guy a scumbag skeeze. he keeps on freaking about my youth and i tell him it's okay, it's okay. so don't you dare call him a skeeze, you doosh.
and i come from australia. we don't have hot topic here. we have to find out own style.
have a nice day
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Great job. Nothing wrong with your style at all. Loved the author's notes. It was like an epilogue. One question? Did he notice the dress?
I would have have noticed, but being a guy, I might not have said anything.
Very well done.
Mike
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he said it wasn't my usual style, but that it worked and looked fine. so yeah, he noticed
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wow
your style is perfect. I love this poem. love it....
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True & Amazing
There's nothing in this write I see you should change. I personally loved it!
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i think it is just fine as it is, and it is very heart felt, i hope he notices your dress, dont change who you are. xx
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wow.
i loved this, especially:
"(they call seven years
bad luck)"
that part nearly gave me chills.
wonderful write.
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this is so beautiful...
the things youre saying here are so universal and seem heartfelt.
the tone is kind of conversational. makes it interesting.
well done.
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