Each distant memory seeks resurrection,
as I walk through the catacombs of thought,
but if they rise, I fear the insurrection
will destroy the very peace for which I've fought.
Lurking in the shadows of grey matter,
they murmur tunes of long lost winters past,
then as I close my eyes they fade and scatter,
their dimming phantoms leave an icy blast.
I searched for the sun, and found a haven,
although a tempest rises now and then,
but I was never one, whose soul was craven
and decisions I have made, end with amen.
So blow you winter winds of discontent,
for you, my heart will sing its last lament.
In a list
A contest entry
- Rounds! Tears of Blood and Ink by ladyhelenaofsorrows.
700 points, ended February 22, 39 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~ Exile ~ by Stuart Higginson.
1400 points, ended June 23, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Thunder & Lightning by RedAquarius.
1000 points, ended April 30, 19 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything!!!!!!!!! by thenorthernstar.
850 points, ended May 25, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme Lovers Only by sorries.
700 points, ended April 25, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I gave you the best years of my life... (women only/prewrites welcome) by Danna Hobart.
400 points, ended May 11, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Shakespearean Sonnet Competition: "PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN" WORK ONLY. by Vera Rich.
490 points, ended June 15, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Originality by jamesbliss.
430 points, ended June 27, 61 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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Competent and capable ...
and that's your trademark anyway.
Good job and congratulations on all of the shiny cups. -
Thank you for entering the Shakespearean Sonnet competition. This shows in general a good understanding of the form. However, strictly speaking (and I did ask for sonnets in STRICT Shakespearean form), lines which have feminine endings should have 11 syllables - i.e. consist of five iambi plus an unstressed syllable. de-DUM de-DUM de-Dum de-DUM de-DUM-de (e.g. Shakespeare's "Farewell, thou art too dear for my possessing"). Your first line, though it has a feminine rhyme, has only 10 syllables- the first unstressed syllable is missing. It would be easy to fix with the addition of e.g. "My" or "Now".
And over-all the poem is very effective... and I particularly relished the double Shakespearean allusion in the penultimate line. -
Great job with the poem here; I especially like like line where you talk about the phantoms leaving an icy blast. Thanks for giving me an icy blast of great imagery!
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Such a well written sonnet, and a good use of imagery as well. Thank you very much for entering my contest.
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Just a superb sonnet where the diction builds
emotion making the rhyme take a backseat...
Very difficult to do in forms. You make it look
incredibly easy. Blue
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Lovely flow, very smooth. I presume the capitalization of resurrection is to give it import (be it religious or other). "Shadows of grey matter" is a wonderful reference to the mind. I also like how the write insinuates a convent or nunnery, some type of retreat by the faintly religious choices you made but doesn't declare it - leaving it relatable to others who have found their own havens. Extremely well done.
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It was wonderful no forced rhyming at all I love sonnets this was great thanks so much for entering such a wonderful poem it really was amazing
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I've read this before, liked it then, like it now. It is impressive!
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Oh WOW!
What gray matter you certainly possess to capture memories and style so gracefully!
The best to you in the contest!
Tang
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Thank you for entering the contest. I am now commencing with the critiques. This entry was a delight to read, despite the obviously sad nature of my contest's theme! I do enjoy a good sonnet, and this very well constructed. I wondered over the capital "R" in "Resurrection" ~ was this a device to denote some religious import, perhaps?
My favourite lines:
"they murmur tunes of long lost winters past,
then as I close my eyes they fade and scatter,
their dimming phantoms leave an icy blast."
..... Very haunting, and indeed lost loves can be likened to winters and spirits; they haunt and chill the heart until we are able to grant the ghosts their graves.
Memories indeed try to escape the labyrinth of walls we erect within our hearts to keep them from mind as we try to move on and deal with the pain of loss - or other painful emotion/experience. Yet inevitably they find their way to thought, dig up dead days, and leave us cold inside so often. Of course, not all memories of love need be a sorrow or an agony to bear; the memories of love are as unique and diverse as the love itself was.
I would've liked to have read some personal matter though, that would make this poem unique to a single love's story, rather than being a poem which could relate to any love, anywhere. ie. the odd reference to a personal moment, something secretive. A place ... a time ... an event, perhaps. However, this poem remains a beautiful piece, and an entry I very much enjoyed!
Stuart
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Loved the imagery, and the couplet at the end is beautiful! Might have been a little easier to read if there were spaces between each of the first three quatrains and then another before the end couplet, just helps the structure of the poem. Not to take anything away from really good write!
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Hi, Shakespearean sonnets do are not divided, but should be 14 consecutive lines.Kind regards Di
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"For you my heart will sing it's last lament." Beautiful end to a well written piece. I enjoyed this thoroughly. Thank you so much for sharing. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.
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Wow - no wonder you got gold! This is really impressive!
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i love the word lament. good poem
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Very beautiful, lovely flow and rhyme to this write.
The poem suits the theme really well.
I especially like your last 2 lines.
Very well done.
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Great write.
Shakespearian sonnets are typically difficult and you've pulled it off well.
I love your rhyme and the way you ended the poem.
Thanks for entering and good luck. -
This is very well writen, it is a very good try at a shakespearian sonnet. I love this part most of all:
Lurking in the shadows of grey matter,
they murmur tunes of long lost winters past,
then as I close my eyes they fade and scatter,
their dimming phantoms leave an icy blast.
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck. -
as I close my eyes they fade and scatter,
their dimming phantoms leave an icy blast.
These lines are wonderful. dimming phantoms is brilliant. I love the imagery. Thank you for entering. -
very dark and mistral
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lovely piece of poetry here, nice flow and rhythm and this makes one want to be in that beat, thank you for this entry, good luck
MM
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Beautiful
I love the way this flows. And the content! Especially the last line! -
This is very post-modern; a Shakespearian sonnet full of so many Shakespeare references!This is very well written and provides readers with some interesting and provocative images ,such as "catacombs of thought".A very good entry.
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Lovely imagery, and the rhyme is fluid and well done. Thank you for the excellent entry!
"lurking in the shadows of grey matter," I love this line, and that you capitalized "Resurrection."
The sonnet format is interesting as well, great write!
-Lena -
wow, verrry unique and well penned. i love how you constructed this into a shakespearean sonnet and how it fit together so well with the whole idea of shakespear. wonderfully written. thank you for entering (: ♥
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catacombs of thought ... I like that line. thank you for entering.
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thanks for entering
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yes.
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Yes.
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Yes
I'm stoked to see someone who can rhyme! Metered and everything.
"I searched for the sun, and found a haven,
although a tempest rises now and then,
but I was never one, whose soul was craven
and decisions I have made, end with amen."
Loved that.
Heck yes! -
I love this! The rhyme like honey it is so smoothe and as for vocabulary it is rich and varied. Thank you for the entry, I learn something new every day.
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Good job ...
This is a very good poem. You have a typo here:
but I was never one, who's soul was craven (whose soul was craven)
Should get you a good chance at a Gold, I'd think.
Good luck.
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Nicely done, i usually dont like sonnets but this was definitely an exception. Ever word in here seems to fit perfectly in the poem.
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Wow!!! is this in iambic pentameter, idk i just read it once but its good and catch
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This is flawless! the rhyme flows and the content is excellent. "cloistered memories" "catacombs of thought" "shadows of grey matter" takes us to a place that is uncharted. masterblaster, you are so worthy...
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I find my memories and emotions often wandering around the hall of my empty mind lately, along with some regrets and some adamant 'stand fast' decisions too.. You've done a brilliant job of expressing how it feels.. Great work! *Rose*
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I like this here alot of emotion in this and love your discriptions! Thank you for your entry and good luck
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Beautifully brilliant...
The rhythm and rhyme is in exellent form.
Splendidly done indeed, best to you always.
Tony
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I really really really like this one. This one has depth of meaning. I fear mutiny from my thoughts, too. Too many bad memories.
I would take another look at the punctuation, but otherwise this is perfectly gorgeous.
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Excellent
What a terrific creation. So full of great expressions. Best of luck in the contest.
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