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I Only Falter At Night





 

 

I can't extinguish 
your scent

from my flesh

uncontrolled breaths 

finger my spine


 

these words

lick like salt

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Author notes

didn't come up with a title right now...so tired!! I'll get back to it

A contest entry

Im still revising this piece. Constructive criticism is welcome

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Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • Broken-Rickie
    March 18, 2009
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    Amazing write...


  • afzal shauq
    March 10, 2009
    Edit | Reply

    love this poem

    very rich poem dear friend... like it.. love it because its short but heart touching...


  • Terry Collett
    February 27, 2009
    Edit | Reply

    Superb.

    una gema de un poema. A gem of a poem.

  • A Prophet of 3 gold member
    February 19, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    i would line break this a bit, but honestly, you are a very gifted writer ... i enjoy your work

  • NothingButShrooms
    February 13, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    the words say it all.
    enjoyed this a load


  • luna-midnight silver member
    February 5, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    wow, i love this, haha, this makes me happy
    like, ive wrote something like the first part before...ive felt that sooo many times *dies* men!

    salt....oh salt, my enemy....he made my cheek sore and dry..hurting..lol. so great ending impact. lovely job, and thanks for entering
    good luck. take care
    Stephanie ♥


  • cup-a-joe silver member
    February 5, 2009
    Edit | Reply

    **** 4 STARS

    20 perfect selected words. I see gold.
    Joe


  • chilali
    February 4, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    Incredible 20 words


  • KayJay
    February 4, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    Sensual words used to paint darkly... a beautiful write full of emotions. Well done...
    Ken

  • Salty Hibiscus
    February 4, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    sensually gorgeous write!


  • itsman
    February 4, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    Nice write... says the most with the least amount of words... my kind of poetr

  • Arjun Karath
    February 4, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    thte 3 or so lines are enough to grip the reader totally...wil be excellent if u expand it evn mre...wil be a treat...kudos


  • usefuldistraction
    February 4, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, this is incredible!!! Deep deep breath and slow exhale...stunning. I should pull mine now...


  • eyesofanangel524
    February 4, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Articulately sensual. In 20 words you have given life to a intense moment and have given the reader a slight touch of the moment. Well done and best of luck in the contest.


  • willdabeast
    February 3, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    sensual

    sexually charged. the last line wraps it up and presents it with a pleasant bow!
    good luck,
    peace,
    ---will


  • funshine-bear
    February 2, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    ooooh sensual i loved it! great work and good luck in your contest!
    hugglez
    -adria <3


  • geckogirl
    February 2, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    once I have a scent of something, it doesn't go away


  • styrofoam
    February 1, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    extinguish... i sat and thought about that word here and...
    it's perfect for its connotation of burning.

1 - 25 of 25