All your fear and all your ignorance
leads your mind to believe she is evil
perhaps she is or mayhaps inexact
as you ready the knot, I've readied my tact
to use my scythe, the weapon of soul
to free yours of that earthly frame
so the mighty may judge your whole.
Gather 'round the witch's tower
to challenge her guardian
you're put to the test
still I'm confident that you'll perish
for I am defender of justice
she does nothing wrong
as she sings her song
that beautiful, deadly song
only the men of weak mind
become entranced to it tonight.
Even the women come to fight
all are jealous of when she beholds their sight
the clouds ripple and the rain falls
none shall escape this building at'all
blood shall be spilled and lives also lost
the village will rue the day our path's crossed.
Cut from existence, children alone
the great witch cackles
because victories her own
now without worries of noose or shackle
she emerges from that stone-made castle.
Gloomy she seems
but elegant and swift
she sends the children on a trip
to find a new place to coalesce
and tells them of their parents deaths
all weep and cry in the night
but move into the darkness to find salvation
and none of them have the realization
that death was wrought at the witch's tower
so they move on and try to forget
all they have lost and all they've to get
and so the witch returns to her tower to sing
to sing that lovely, malevolent song.
- So you want comments group list • next in list
A contest entry
- I Have Lost My Muse! Please Send Me Your Best! by Nicada.
800 points, ended February 11, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Anything! by ToxicSuicide.
700 points, ended March 22, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Your opinions on it? rate it if you will.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
I loved the last stanza. well done...very well done.
-
What a deep and dark poem you have penned here. It gives me the chills, so I guess you did your job well.
Great job on this poem, and thanks so much for entering. Blessings, Patty
-
INtresting.......... I really enjoyed the depth of this write. It reminded me of the witch hunts that they would do back in the old days... So sad how many women they burnt!
""Even the women come to fight
all are jealous of when she beholds their sight
the clouds ripple and the rain falls
none shall escape this building at'all
blood shall be spilled and lives also lost
the village will rue the day our path's crossed.""
This part the most got to me.... its amazing how much blood can be spilt over a idea or thought of how you think something or someone is!!
-
The beginning two or three stanzas and the last two lines are simply superb. Very strong in emotion, story-telling, and fluidity. The middle gets a little shaky and loose, and the rhyming and fluidity needs more work. You need those metaphors to get rid of the mundane, everyday language in this one. It conflicts with your dark, dramatic story.
But overall this one is much better. Well done.
-
i like this. it's dark and kinda spooky. well done.
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
