Steadily I walk the center mile, inspecting tickets left and right,
providing information asked, and sometimes, has a friendly chat.
That’s on a good day
People today are all in a rush. No time to spare, every second
counts. Endless phone conversations, when most; if I find myself
eavesdropping, have nothing important to tell. It’s like watching
a bird chattering to itself, hands signaling like wings flapping.
One’s bad enough, but try twenty in one car, it will drive a person
crazy.
Then there’s the overflow of music that seeps out from earphones.
The steady drone makes me sad for those who condemn themselves
to hearing problems well before old age.
At the end of my walk a cabin’s in sight. A blessed haven to rid
resonating echoes from my ears. Closing the door behind me is like
shutting a vault. And I loose myself briefly in its vacuum.
Reclined on the seat, dogged-eared paperback at rest on my stomach:
I wonder to my reflection as it stares back from darkened window
of night, Why do people live such hasty lives?
Lights twinkle in the distance as a city approaches and I grab the
microphone to announce the stop. I take a deep breath as I place it
back in the cradle, fortifying myself before stepping out for the next
leg of pandemonium.
Have you ever witnessed a two directional stampede? Oh yes, they
exist, and here I am stuck in the middle. The corral door opens
and the herd on the ledge crushes their way in, while the herd
already in the corral are fighting to get out. No rhyme or reason
for no one cares.
I know now where the term ‘stupid cow’ comes from.
It’s those times I don my cowboy hat and lasso a few horns to keep
them from the open gate until those leaving, have exited.
OK! Get along little doggie, file on in! It’s the only way to bring
order to the masses.
The way is clear, all is safe to go. A piercing trill sounds from my lips
and, Ding! Ding! Ding! the next round begins.
Author notes
Combination option
'Silence on the train' and
Walk a mile in their shoes - Train Conductor
A contest entry
- For allpoetry by the Winklings. #162 All welcome by Lyndon.
3220 points, ended February 15, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Hi. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck! I’ve decided to use a slightly edited version of my friend Arkbear’s grading scoreboard to help me judge this contest. I hope he doesn’t mind. It’ll aid me in organizing my thoughts and judging fairly versus randomly. I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful. Writers with the highest possible points out of 80 will obviously win
Title Appeal: 9.5 – Nice title. Never would’ve guessed it was about a train conductor! I’m not sure I’d add the bit after the dash, though.
Poem Flow: 9 – Nice flow for prose.
Depth: 8.75 – This reads too matter-of-fact for me. You have so many great ideas here!!! I think you could’ve put way more personal emotion behind your words to draw the readers into your shoes and say WOW!
Emotional Impact: 8 – I was on the cusp. I felt you were holding back, so I didn’t pour my heart and soul into this read.
Spelling and Grammar: 9 – One spelling error. “loose” should be “lose”. Also, if I’m not mistaken, “herd” is considered singular, thus it should be “…herd on the ledge crushes its way in, while the herd already in the corral is fighting to get out.”
Punctuation and Caps: 9.5 – Put a period after “That’s on a good day.” A few other things I would change, but nicely done.
Presentation: 10 – Great prose and a unique topic!
Personal Appeal: 8 – I tend to steer away from prose, because I have a very, very short attention span
My score: 71.75/80.00
-
This is a combination poem
in another sense too: half free verse; half poetic prose. However, poetry knows no rules if it works and this does. I did enjoy it as a revelation of civilized mob mentality. My wife and I took a private car in Austria with a forty-something years lady who put up her elegant legs but said nothing. I was almost tempted to take a photograph of her, as well!
I particularly ernjoyed this:
"Reclined on the seat, dogged-eared paperback at rest on my stomach:
I wonder to my reflection as it stares back from darkened window
of night, Why do people live such hasty lives?"
Ron
A Winkler.
-
Now that was sure a halarious scene---
"I know now where the term ‘stupid cow’ comes from" hehehehe Quite an astute anology!
I've just decided I don't want to walk in a train conductor's shoes, my feet would be killing me and I can't throw a lasso to save my soul
Thank you for joining me and sharing this wonderfully written day in the life, Best wishes!
Many blessings, Sandi
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