Treading sadly along life’s beaches
focusing only on the sand between my toes
Trying not to walk too close to the water,
avoiding life’s ebbs and floes.
Still, too easy under sister moon’s silver circle,
to let the tide carry me away
never fighting against the current,
never finding rhythm in the sway;
struggling to reach each distant shore
never caring if any were home
knowing I’m not where I’m meant to be
only wanting to no longer be alone;
seeking the sun but craving night -
the balance just out of reach
the basic harmony of life itself
resists the most basic of my needs.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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A truly beautiful though sad poem Rae, though there is a calmness to the write even though all things are "just out of reach".
I see you have not been well, but now on the road to recovery and that you are out of pain...ian.
P.S. Thank you for that wonderful guest book comment... you are far too kind.
Also...what a beautiful picture you have...ian.
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This to me is easy to relate to,
never ending want for balance,
I guess that this is the best place to start, the eternal mourning that leads to finding harmony,
most don't realize this, it is the root of pain an imbalance.
never finding rhythm in the sway
very profound
harmony is just that, a rhythm
very lovely my friend
God bless you...
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One Grain of Sand
Again, I am so sorry I did not get back to this sooner. I suspect my dissapearances due to health reasons may cost me some wonderful friend ships here, as I don't really know how to mass post the problem! You've been very kind to hang in there with me.
Blessed Be,
***Rae***
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Poet
The ups and downs of life can never really be simplified. bUt the truth is a poet seeks to create a certain vision concerning their life. well done poet.
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One Grain of Sand
I am so sorry! I had to take time off for illness. I have to do that once in a while. It will probably happen again- but I will comment when I can! Thank you for your kind words & encouragement.
Blessed Be,
***Rae
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this is excellent, sometimes on here one reads a poem they will remember always, and this is one of them, imagry ambience, lifeblood, it has it all, you are very talented
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One Grain of Sand
Lord, I have a lot of catching up to do! I try to respond to everyone; I've been ill and this became secondary- but it shouldn't have. I'll probably dissapear for a while again; I'm going through surgeries and whatnot- boo-hoo-hoo me! Your comments were so kind and wonderful, I am sorry I am jut getting back to you now.
Blessed Be,,
***Rae***
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Your words spell your sadness.
Love the metaphor within L1/3. L 12/13 are also very strong not certain that I can appreciate the repeated words never, the first two are fine its the third that I question the need for.
The tale is interesting and your diction is fine.
I liked this poem a lot thank you for sharing.
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One Grain of Sand
Thank you so much for your kind words and examination of my poem. I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you sooner, I have my own tales of woe (sarcasim intended). Thank you for taking the time to read my work, particularly the rhyming ones as they don't flow out anymore as they once used to.
Blessed Be,
***Rae***
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I am right there with you on that beach. "knowing I'm not where I'm meant to be, only wanting to no longer be alone". Hearing that swoosh at the edge of the sea that calms your inner turmoil although you don't want to get your feet wet.
Sheila
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One Grain of Sand
I am so sorry! I had to take time off for illness. I have to do that once in a while. It will probably happen again- but I will comment when I can! I hope you find your rythm.
Blessed Be,
***Rae***
Blessed Be,
***Rae
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Good Job
I like this rolls outof my mouth while reading. I did see one small error(i think) )floes should be flows)
I will go read some more.
Pen on!
Joe
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One Grain of Sand
I apologize; I had to take time off for illness. Unfortunately, that happens once in a while for me. Not that I'm feeling sorry for myself, just the way it it. It will probably happen again, but comments like this cheer me on. Thanks for the good catch, BTW.
Blessed Be,
***Rae
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Very nice
great flow rhyme and litteration. glad I saw it. Nic
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One Grain of Sand
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my poetry. I've been ill, so I wasn't being intentionally rude by not commenting and following up. I have my hands full, because I like to read poems by people who have commented on mine. It may take a while, but I'll get there.
Blessed Be,
***Rae***
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Trying not to walk too close to the water,
avoiding life’s ebbs and floes.
The entirety of this write says so much but this line is my favorite.
The rythm of this great and the nature content also has a mystical feel to it...
great poem
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One Grain of Sand
Oh, friend I am so sorry that I did not respond sooner or return the favor. I've been ill (this is starting to sound like an excuse, but I promise, it's not) and neglected my duties here. I'm so happy that you liked the poem. I have a lot of reading to catch up on, but I will put you at the top of the list.
Blessed Be,
***Rae*** -
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Please do not worry about getting back to me
You just take care of you, relax accept the kind words that your friends here at AP send your way
Tale care of yourself and don't sweat the small stuff
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One Grain of Sand
Thanks for reading and commenting on my poem. I am sorry that this is such a late reply; I've been hi-jacked by illness. But kind words like yours keep me afloat. Thank you.
Blessed Be,
***Rae***
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Nice job
This ebbs and flows quite well... Good job.
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Thank you! You are an amazing poet, so that is a great compliment. Not one of my best, though, so I really apreciate it!
Be Well,
Rachele
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Yep, another awesome poem. Very good ending. Darn, my feet are so cold - that's been a killer for a lot of my comments lately. I should stop ruining so many of my socks.
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Okay, you're starting to make me blush! You should take a break from AP or it can wear you down with sadness and commenting. And keep those feet warm!
***Rae***
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i really love the ebb and flow of this one the sad tone is reflective and i feel like this sometimes and it's good to relate to this and not feel alone.
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Thanks! I think this was a cathartic piece for me; I was getting a lot of stuff from my childhood and early adulthood off my chest. I hope I never go back to that place. But, I'm really glad you enjoyed this and thank you for taking the time to read my poetry.
Blessed Be,
***Rae***
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Even the rhythm of this piece reminded me of the ocean...having briefly viewed your author's page, I'm sure this was no accident. I loved the lines...
"knowing I’m not where I’m meant to be
only wanting to no longer be alone;
seeking the sun but craving night -"
Just had such an honest emotion to these lines...even though they, in themselves, do not contain any of the rhyme you so carefully crafted, they still maintain the flow and overall haunting feel of this piece. Thanks for sharing your talent.
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This is a nice, reflective look towards the inside (of self); the kind of introspection that tugs at us often when we don't mean for it to and are probably focused on something else. I like the flow of it and the quiet solitude. A pulling back from the 'unknowns' that life frequently surprises us with. It was easy to read and well done.
AsIThink...
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deep..
I have many many times times felt this way my friend, funny thing is..the more you attempt to unerstand why life works as it does, the more questions you seem to end up with as opposed to the answers..just keep your head up..and keep moving on, with that 'ebb and flow' that we call life.
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re:One Grain of Sand
You are too kind to me, but you are correct. Sometimes you just have to keep your head up despite the wind & water.
Be Blessed,
***Rae***
P.S. That was one HECK of a collaboration!
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I relate to your words knowing the sea and the sand on the shore it's my home away from home. Great write and excellent flow.
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Really good poem
A really dreamy poem here. The only thing I can say if you are planning to revise it is maybe just forget about the rhyming scheme all together, you might find it ends up flowing directly from your heart without any kind of restrictions at all. I might be wrong though but I usually prefer poems that don't rhyme. It is rather good as it is though so don't feel as if you have to take my advice. Jimmy B. Steed
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Christ lass...
that was so beautiful....
Nature weaves through your poetry and your heart.
the days and nights...
the sun and moon..
the raging sea...
it all comes out in poetry
through your soul.
There is magic here....
Blessings little gypsy,
Lowell
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Love it...
Compelling narrative, rhythm & flow with an emotional depth that was staggering with its use of metaphor & abstract wordplay...
Keep up the good work...
Well done!!!
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I too grew up on the beach in Hawaii, California, and Japan, and the imagery and metaphors that you have used in this piece have certainly captured my being and my full attention in such an amazing piece! Thank you for sharing this with all of us, it's amazing!
Aaron
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it is so ,,mm i dont know,,it touches something in me,,i really really like it
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I do not know if this poem
is a reflection on yourself or just a reflection in action / thought - either way, its reflection gives rise to thought by those that will read this poem. I have written a number of poems with more or less the same intend, but never near to this. Therefore, I have been given opportunity to experience the 'picture' in your mind and tread softly to enjoy it. Blessings to you. Frans
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One Grain of Sand
Oh, this was very personal! I grew up on the beach and it seems as if every time I have a problem or "deep thought" it ends up as therapy in a poem! This particular one was about my habit of giving in to the men in my life; where they want to go, what they want to do, live, etc. I took some time of to exame those patterns, and lo and behold! I finally saw a patter. Always looking for Daddy - you've heard the story. But sometimes Daddies and Lovers should behave very differently in their day-to-day actions. I finally broke the chain, thank Goodness! As for writing with the same intent, but not near to this, I doubt it! You even write a kudo eloquently! I shall stop by soon!
Blessed Be,
***Rae***
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