As noble Jove rode storms on eagle’s wings
to sweep away his lustrous Ganymede
my love shall find thee and to thine heart cling
to till its earth and sow affection’s seed.
O, gentle cup-bearer, hold fast my heart!
Let not spill these rubies upon the ground
That pour forth the wound left by cupid’s dart
to meld with blood in garnet waves unbound.
The very stars that sing within your eyes
shall shudder and blush as they bear witness
to the timid touches and sated sighs
of shimmering youth and starvéd shepherdess.
By next year this time we shall reminisce
when all we’d shared was a tentative kiss.
Author notes
I was going to write something hellagay but...this sort of came out.
As You Like It: Act 4, scene III Silvius brings “Ganymede” a false letter from Phebe. I have written what I think the actual letter would be. I don’t imagine it would be a very good sonnet. Probably with lots of … farm imagery and clichés. Closet lesbian language.
Suggestions for making the last lines not suck are more than appreciated >.< I consider them to be in progress.
In a list
A contest entry
- Project Literacy: Shakespeare by aeolia.
500 points, ended March 18, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Thoughts?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I don't think you're lost when it comes to sonnets. I love your Things Ending in "Et" and other like forms category (cf my Sonnets, sonnets, and more bloody sonnets list). And I too have no objection to farm imagery and clichés and closet lesbian language. Nice silver - well done.
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lol sounds like an excellent list. I'll have to check it out.
Does anyone have an objection to closet lesbian language, really?
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i have a major soft spot for cheesy pastoral crap about "farm imagery" and "closet lesbian language." but actually i think this was much better than bucolic vomit. the metre's good (although i agree with cassidy about those lines), the rhyme didn't make me want to gouge my eyes oedipus-style, and the imagery isn't totally conventional (as would be, say, the fitting recollection of jupiter); i've never heard of blood described as a garnet wave.
awesome job. ta for entering and sorry for the wait in judging!
-endymion
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I actually liked the last two lines, although I think "By next year this time" would work slightly better as "By this time next year"
Also, the line "That poured forth the wond left by cupid's dart" had a flow that was slightly off from the rest.
Other than that, this is great!
-cassidy
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I agree completely! Thank you so much for the helpful critique. I'll have to think up away to fix the awkwardness. As I'm sure you've noticed, I'm REALLY lost when it comes to sonnets. I've just started the class though, so hopefully there will be some improvement.
Love your pic by the way!
Best,
El
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