the cherry is particularly tasty
small town secrets, bitter aftertaste
the woman in the corner booth
sips coffee thick with sugar
the day's news is worn
tight scarf around her neck
the man with the tired shoes
feigns distraction
long fingers toy with a blackberry
he watches her
outside fresh snow obscures reality
the apple is also quite tempting
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
-
love small town secrets
the man with the tired shoes
Unforgettable metaphor.
-
I have the coffee, if you got the pie.
Love this.
Joe
-
a tasty small town cherry
obscured by the snow of a long fingered apple
alice cooper sings popcorn
cathode ray sparks and some simple truth
away and away and away
-
how did i miss this one ...
now i'm hungry for pie "blackberry" actually (my fav.)
-
one of the times i like most to keep for myself in thought is when i trek to one of the local cafe's. simply watching the mannerisms of others, imagining what they've done with their day, etc... that little slice of time is such a break from our own lives and sometimes kicks the muse.
there really is so much to this. reading to once gives such a crisp picture. reading a second and third time paints a great picture with pulling so many thoughts to mind as to "what is she thinking??"
as always - such a strong write and so much to like and admire about it.
Kim
-
snoqualmie
twin peaky i likey. oddly, i can't stand cherry pie myself, but am quite taken with apples, too. -temptablefish
-
Excellent!
The ending really threw me a curve. There is such a subtext of control issues, of contrary images, the cherry, the sugar, the apple, contrasting with the shoes, the scarf that looks, to me, so much like a noose or a collar, finally the cleansing snow, the awakening of something, the man? the morning? to the apple.
Still, with the wry smile of temptation comes an undercurrent of something dark, another after taste.
Well, in my interpritation anyway. Never mind the rambling, what I mean to say is that, in it's deceptive simplicity, this urges one to further readings, deeper innuendo, whispers.
Good stuff indeed!
-
-
thank you so much for the careful read Rob.
-
-
well eve or even lilith were such naughty women to start it all in the first place... any poem with cherries and apples and snow has my thumbs up, mixing sex, seasons and a woman's worth...
you're just a damned fine writer mrs richards.. you know that
-
I don't know how I missed this one... excellent. I loved the ending.
-
i am with al in his comment
-
love this one....this just needs some soup in it
... but i do like where you went with the fruit
-
cherry, blackberry, apple
you could do this in couplets for a different pace.
you wrote.
i'm glad.
-
-
do you think it would make it too stilted - the couplets?
i thought blackberrry was a clever inclusion =) -
-
It's really up to you. I looked at it in couplets as well as all run together -- which gives i a more manic read.
maybe it's just the way it should be -- but my initial thoughts were it begged for a different format or linebreaks. but that could be me too. i'm antsy about breaks lately. someone at another site told me mine were awful and so i'm in examining mode (which makes me examine everyones).
(small town secrets, bitter aftertaste) ,--- wonder if that line is needed
the cherry is particularly tasty
the woman in the corner booth sips
bitter coffee thick with sugar
the day's news is worn tight scarf around her neck
the man with the tired shoes feigns distraction
long fingers toy with a blackberry
he watches her
outside fresh snow obscures reality
the apple is also quite tempting
just playing.
-
-
i tend to play with line breaks as well... and i never mind the playing... thanks
-
-
-
-
i think i just got temporarily obsessed with the word 'too'
-
i love that this is so detailed. it allows us to be there too, seeing, smelling, tasting too.
oh man, this too would have been perfect for my beverage contest.. i think you and gill are conspiring
excellent stuff jan!
-
this is really good!
-
excellent poem Jan, I love the clever close
al
-
The message is always in the banoffee. The woman with the news arounf her neck is watching you watching her.
-
the waiter is bored
each customer asks
is that original cherry pie or a cover?
the liquor untouched
one glass gathers fly
imprints
-
Love the interaction of the man with the woman, really love what that gives this..
you are the queen of observing and bringing us there.
ydk
-
I see a steamy old fashioned diner in this...somewhere buried in a northern winter.
Very vivid images, great metaphors
Adding your comment:
1 - 24 of 24
