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pie for agent cooper


the cherry is particularly tasty
small town secrets, bitter aftertaste

the woman in the corner booth
sips coffee thick with sugar
the day's news is worn
tight scarf around her neck

the man with the tired shoes
feigns distraction
long fingers toy with a blackberry
he watches her

outside fresh snow obscures reality
the apple is also quite tempting






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Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • Thomas Scott gold member
    March 8, 2009
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    love small town secrets

    the man with the tired shoes
    Unforgettable metaphor.


  • cup-a-joe silver member
    March 4, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    I have the coffee, if you got the pie.
    Love this.
    Joe


  • windhover3 gold member
    February 28, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    a tasty small town cherry
    obscured by the snow of a long fingered apple

    alice cooper sings popcorn
    cathode ray sparks and some simple truth

    away and away and away

  • A Prophet of 3 gold member
    February 24, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    how did i miss this one ...

    now i'm hungry for pie "blackberry" actually (my fav.)


  • truembrace silver member
    February 21, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    one of the times i like most to keep for myself in thought is when i trek to one of the local cafe's. simply watching the mannerisms of others, imagining what they've done with their day, etc... that little slice of time is such a break from our own lives and sometimes kicks the muse.

    there really is so much to this. reading to once gives such a crisp picture. reading a second and third time paints a great picture with pulling so many thoughts to mind as to "what is she thinking??"

    as always - such a strong write and so much to like and admire about it.

    Kim

  • silverfish
    February 4, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    snoqualmie

    twin peaky i likey. oddly, i can't stand cherry pie myself, but am quite taken with apples, too. -temptablefish


  • Captain Redundant gold member
    February 4, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent!

    The ending really threw me a curve. There is such a subtext of control issues, of contrary images, the cherry, the sugar, the apple, contrasting with the shoes, the scarf that looks, to me, so much like a noose or a collar, finally the cleansing snow, the awakening of something, the man? the morning? to the apple.

    Still, with the wry smile of temptation comes an undercurrent of something dark, another after taste.

    Well, in my interpritation anyway. Never mind the rambling, what I mean to say is that, in it's deceptive simplicity, this urges one to further readings, deeper innuendo, whispers.

    Good stuff indeed!


  • NurseChilly gold member
    February 1, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    well eve or even lilith were such naughty women to start it all in the first place... any poem with cherries and apples and snow has my thumbs up, mixing sex, seasons and a woman's worth...

    you're just a damned fine writer mrs richards.. you know that


  • Rowan gold member
    February 1, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    I don't know how I missed this one... excellent. I loved the ending.


  • Grunts Girl silver member
    January 31, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    i am with al in his comment


  • tara wilson gold member
    January 31, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    love this one....this just needs some soup in it... but i do like where you went with the fruit


  • cvillelisa
    January 31, 2009

    Edit | Reply


    cherry, blackberry, apple



    you could do this in couplets for a different pace.
    you wrote.

    i'm glad.



    • jantastic gold member
      February 1, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      do you think it would make it too stilted - the couplets?

      i thought blackberrry was a clever inclusion =)


      • cvillelisa
        February 1, 2009
        Edit | Reply

        It's really up to you. I looked at it in couplets as well as all run together -- which gives i a more manic read.

        maybe it's just the way it should be -- but my initial thoughts were it begged for a different format or linebreaks. but that could be me too. i'm antsy about breaks lately. someone at another site told me mine were awful and so i'm in examining mode (which makes me examine everyones).





        (small town secrets, bitter aftertaste) ,--- wonder if that line is needed

        the cherry is particularly tasty
        the woman in the corner booth sips
        bitter coffee thick with sugar
        the day's news is worn tight scarf around her neck

        the man with the tired shoes feigns distraction
        long fingers toy with a blackberry
        he watches her

        outside fresh snow obscures reality
        the apple is also quite tempting




        just playing.



        • jantastic gold member
          February 1, 2009
          Edit | Reply
          i tend to play with line breaks as well... and i never mind the playing... thanks


  • J.J. Sass
    January 31, 2009
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    i think i just got temporarily obsessed with the word 'too'


  • J.J. Sass
    January 31, 2009

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    i love that this is so detailed. it allows us to be there too, seeing, smelling, tasting too.
    oh man, this too would have been perfect for my beverage contest.. i think you and gill are conspiring

    excellent stuff jan!


  • chloris
    January 31, 2009
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    this is really good!


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    January 31, 2009
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    excellent poem Jan, I love the clever close


    al


  • The Bear
    January 31, 2009

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    The message is always in the banoffee. The woman with the news arounf her neck is watching you watching her.


  • IronIcecream
    January 31, 2009

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    the waiter is bored
    each customer asks
    is that original cherry pie or a cover?
    the liquor untouched
    one glass gathers fly
    imprints


  • Suzanne Dia
    January 31, 2009

    Edit | Reply




    Love the interaction of the man with the woman, really love what that gives this..

    you are the queen of observing and bringing us there.



    ydk


  • Ariosto II. gold member
    January 31, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    I see a steamy old fashioned diner in this...somewhere buried in a northern winter.

    Very vivid images, great metaphors

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