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Lying is the Easy Part

Can I put my hand in yours, love

and you put yours in mine?

Let's not forget, through this,

there's always much more time.

 

Its okay, love, really-

I'm doing very well;

Please, please believe me,

Or this sorrow would be hell.

 

Only-  I've got tears on my mind

though not in my eyes,

because this has hurt long enough

For far too much  time.

 

And so- I'll force a scream down

and it can go run and hide,

with other emotions

from other times.

 

And maybe if I smile

he won't even see

the pain that I've buried-

deep within me.

Author notes

Sometimes lying to yourself is the worst lie of all."There's always much more time," How does one know that? "I'm doing very well." Maybe the biggest lie of all. Planned or unplanned, one rubs her tummy for about a year before the realization that she is currently barren hits home. So, this is about the ones who get through misscariages not with tears or therapy, but with lies. By lying to themselves only to end up crying on a therapists couch years later. I know. To all my sisters out there-be strong and be well.
Blessed Be.

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • MichaelLeeSmyth
    March 16, 2009

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    It took several tries before I became a father. The pain when a life is lost before it can begin can be quite a destructive force. We lie to ourselves about many things in this life, usually to protect ourselves.
    Excellent write.


  • AsIThink gold member
    February 28, 2009

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    A canyon full of old wounds re-opened...

    Geez, this was deeply moving; very painful. I do not have better words than these (regarding this). I do have some (probably too vivid) images in my mind and heart of a miscarriage of a friend years ago...my gosh, I didn't know where the shut-off valve was (for my tears). This brought some memories right to the fore. Outside of the pain and sadness (and also maybe due to it), this is excellently scribed.

    AsIThink...


  • i.s.i.s
    February 26, 2009

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    I am not a stranger to lying in order to avoid the pain of realization. I am happy to know that you found another who is able to support a beautiful woman like you. I believe that your next child, yes next, will make you realize how worthy you truly are to be happy. Wonderful piece.


  • rhyana
    February 15, 2009

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    i was very, very lucky...my husband was just as excited and maybe more so than i was when we found out i was pregnant. (i suspect it was at least in part because he has a far more vivid imagination while i tend towards pragmatic.) this writing reminds of how much worse it could've been and i want to gather every woman up who's had to go through it without support and hug them. whatever it takes to get through the day, you have my respect...women are far tougher than most people give them credit for, especially themselves.

    the tummy rubbing thing...it's going to be three years shortly and i still catch myself doing that and wondering sometimes.


  • Fritz O skennick gold member
    February 14, 2009

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    A moving piece...

    And so easy for one to move into denial in the aftermath of the event, somehow suppressing the pain only for it to resurface at a later time...
    I felt your words & empathise with your pain...
    I hope writing about it helps you on your path of healing...
    A very moving piece that nearly brought me to tears...


  • Danna Hobart
    February 6, 2009

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    It has been fifteen years since I miscarried, and I went on to have two successful pregnancies afterward, but it still hurts to think about the baby I lost. I hope that writing about it was cathartic for you. Thank you for entering.


    • FaeRae gold member
      February 13, 2009
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      Lying is the easy Part

      Thank you for replying; you're right, men don't feel that early connection, that little flutter in your belly in the begining that feels like beautiful butterflies. OK, I'm going on. Thanks again & blessed be.
      ***Rae***


    • FaeRae gold member
      February 13, 2009

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      Lying is the Easy Part

      I am so sorry for the length of time I took to respond; my computer died and had to be buried. Then, of course, I had to hurt my bank account. I am so happy that you were able to go on to two beautiful children! Mine stung so much, I think, because we were on the brink of separating and he thought I had made it up to make him stay. Ughhhhhhhh! In retrospect, he obviously would not have been a good father, but his lack of concern was the 'nail in the coffin.'

      Be well,
      ***Rae***


      • Danna Hobart
        February 13, 2009
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        My computer died a few months back too, so I know how it goes.

        Men have a hard time relating to a miscarriage. Often times it happens before they have ever heard the heart beat or felt it move, so they just don't form that connection as quickly as the mother does.


  • Gagiikwe
    February 6, 2009

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    Sensitive and effective

    [I chose to read this because it had the least comments]
    Having gone thru 3 miscarriages with my wife I agree that this poem covers it all. The protagonist's words, thoughts and actions are authenticly portrayed.
    Young friends of mine went through a miscarriage last year; and are now within weeks of their first child. Fortunately, they didn't bury their pain; though it was certainly still there.
    Knowing that they have had to grow up thru the sense of loss and disappointment gives me great pleasure each time I see their dedication and commitment to eachother.


  • Danny Beatty gold member
    January 31, 2009

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    this is moving me ... the tears on the mind, the eyes the window to the soul, the words belie the eyes, and even if emptied like the putting on of a costume of blandness for the protection of others or to just practice being whole again, never works with a loved one who loves you back and they know ... they do ... and holding hands is a finest of ways to begin and become as best you shall ...

    i hope you find peace and that love can heal, and you have written that it can and that you want to be loved by you and be a source of love and .... especially become whole and know that the whole is always greater than the sum of its parts and can transcend the shatter of a broken heart and deep deep loss.

    peace to you

    Moqui


    • FaeRae gold member
      February 13, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Lying is the easy Part

      I apologize if I have already responded to this; I also apologize for the lateness of this response. Thank you for your kind, beautiful words! Lucky for me, we broke up and a man entered my life who nurtures, loves, cares, and listens. And that makes me blessed.
      Blessed Be,
      ***Rae***

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