(verse 1)
I strive to make you pleased,
even if I'm loosing me.
My heart can break, but I'll go on
'cause if I don’t, I’ll be alone.
(verse2)
Every time you say I failed
my heart bleeds a little more
I try so hard, you still find more.
I just cant stand it anymore
(chorus)
Can't you see , it's killing me.
This perfection can only lead
To my insanity
Can't you see I would die
Just to make you see
Something good in me.
(verse 3)
My soul dies a little more
when you say I could do more.
This internal bleeding is killing me,
can't you see? It leaves a hole in me.
(bridge)
I try so hard, it's not enough.
And It's breaking me apart.
Too many pieces of my heart
to put together now.
(chorus)
Can't you see , it's killing me.
This perfection can only lead
To my insanity
Can't you see I would die
Just to make you see
Something good in me.
(whispered)
Can't you see your killing me
Can I be all that you need?
It’s killing me.
You're killing me.
(chorus)
Can't you see , it's killing me.
This perfection can only lead
To my insanity
Am I trying too hard
Just to make you see
Something good in me?
Author notes
please let me know how i can make this better. I'm desperate. so far no one will help me, or even tell me what they think of it.
- the power of darkness group list • next in list
- Calling all lyric writers group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Your thoughts and feelings... by invisible2u.
600 points, ended February 6, 2009, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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"(whispered)
Can't you see your killing me
Can I be all that you need?
It’s killing me.
You're killing me."
this is amazing.
I love this part. -
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thank you
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"(whispered)
Can't you see your killing me
Can I be all that you need?
It’s killing me.
You're killing me." that is my favorite part of the poem. This piece of poetry is stunning and captivating, truly remarkable. There is so much feeling and emotion pored into each line and every single word; makes you think, I love when poetry makes you think that’s the best part about poetry the thought and feeling lingering in your head after words see now you know you did something right I’m ranting aren’t I? I just wanted you to know that I really enjoyed this write keep up writing well penned literature bravo! You should be proud. -
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thanks!
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I don't see anything you can change
It is a lovely, dark lyric(the best type). I don't see any problem with it, except a bit of meter here and there, but that's just my opinion. Just remember in a song, the lines usually have a constant metric length, otherwise some parts have to be sung faster or slower to fit the music.
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Out standing!
this would make a great song, I cna relate to it, its really good
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amazing
very great poem
"Can't you see , it's killing me.
This perfection can only lead
To my insanity
Can't you see I would die
Just to make you see
Something good in me"
love this part.....and also thanks for putting some reading list poems to our group
"the power of darkness"
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excelent song, another suggestion
(verse 1)
I strive to make you pleased,
even if I'm loosing me.
My heart can break, but I'll go on
'cause if I don’t, I’ll be alone.
(verse2)
Every time you say I failed
my heart bleeds a little more
I try so hard, please I implore
I just cant stand it anymore
(chorus)
Can't you see I would die
Can't you see , it's killing me.
Just to make you see
Something good in me.
This perfection can only lead
To my insanity
My soul dies a little more
can't you see? It leaves a hole in me.
when you say I could do more.
This internal bleeding is killing me,
(bridge)
I try so hard, it's not enough.
And It's breaking me apart.
to put together now.
Too many pieces of my heart
(whispered)
Can't you see your killing me
Can I be all that you need?
It’s killing me.
You're killing me.
(chorus)
am i trying too hard
can't you see it's killing me
just to make you see
something good in me
this perfection can only lead
to my insanity
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try this for a chorus
am i trying too hard
can't you see it's killing me
just to make you see
something good in me
this perfection can only lead
to my insanity -
i love this i went throught something like this in my last relationship ... ... keep up the great work
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i like it! You think on your toes.
love your song,. iv written a few too,
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It's great. I am not the greatest writer on earth, but I see no places that need improvement. You start making too many changes, pretty soon the entire original idea is lost.
I would love to hear this song, add a little...different feeling to it. Keep writing, I look forward to reading more! -
Awesome song! Ar eyou in a band or something? I really like this and it would e great to hear with some music!
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haha thanks no not yet.. my cousin does guitar and drums and does recordings, so hes gonna help me record it. im working on a few more songs so that i can make a full album. it'll take a little while, but when its all done ( at least this song) im putting it on youtube, and ill be posting the link to it on here... i can tell you when its done if you want...
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Sure. That'd be great.
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i love it
it be amazing
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aw, thanx cus
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