nothing lasts forever.
and I've come to realize
things most beautiful
are the fastest to die.
that buttercups
and dandelions
are really only weeds.
that the sky isn't blue
because it's made to be beautiful,
but because it has tears to cry.
that you and I were never meant to last
that fate wasn't on our side,
and that really, you never planned to 'wait for me'.
I am paper laces and dripping tiles and
pain-laced and spider-broken
and burnt and chipped
and everything you never really wanted,
but still,
you pretended to.
can't you see that you broke me?
I'm aching in places I didn't know existed,
and I don't understand what's happening
behind ribcages you once stiched together
in attempt to place a bit of yourself within me.
[I thought you'd saved me.]
Author notes
this is what's happening right now in my life.
this is probably the most personal thing I have on here.
Kelly Clarkson - Addicted.
"caterpillar in your author notes*
A contest entry
- Sad, Upset, Hurt, Betrayed? by starving4perfection.
1550 points, ended April 26, 157 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - options. prewrites allowed. DO IT. =] by BrittlesSkittles.
1350 points, ended February 9, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Not So Happily Ever After (Romeo And Juilet) by HereComesTheSun.
950 points, ended February 13, 31 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Painful Side of Life. by November-Dani.
900 points, ended March 1, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 1000 tr0phies! wh00t! by amaranthine lover.
1750 points, ended February 17, 111 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Emotionally Destroyed by xXemo-teddybearXx.
400 points, ended April 2, 77 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What's your constructive criticisms and thoughts on my poem?
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Dammnn..that was deep
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VERY GOOD
I Really Liked This poem It Reminded me of my ex
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This is quite well written.
A good lay out,
much emotion,
well done. -
this is absolutely awesome...
reminds me of having a heart transplanted,
and then that heart starts having problems.
and it slowly kills you...
even though you thought it saved you.
I can relate,
I was in love once with a girl who I thought saved me.
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This is brilliant.
Love the way it's set out.
Fabulous write.
X
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"""can't you see that you broke me?
I'm aching in places I didn't know existed,
and I don't understand what's happening
behind ribcages you once stiched together
in attempt to place a bit of yourself within me.
[I thought you'd saved me.]"""
This spoke to me.. I really enjoyed this write.. Thank you for shairing this write. and i wish all the best for you!!
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I'm aching in places I didn't know existed,
and I don't understand what's happening
behind ribcages you once stiched together
in attempt to place a bit of yourself within me.
[I thought you'd saved me.]
very sad write. very emotional and deep. but very well done!
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This is a really beautiful poem! i love the phrases u used here like buttercups and dandelion!! There is so much innocent beauty in this work and still a stinging sadness!! Well potrayed and good luck in the contest!
~pri
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This is so sad and painful!! I love the expressions in the poem like buttercups and dandelions..it brings out the beauty in the writeand still leaves the reader with a stinging sadness esp the last paragraph!! Well done and good luck in the contests!!
~pri
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Positive: your word choice was amazing!!! i really enjoyed the imagery and similes
eg: that the sky isn't blue
because it's made to be beautiful,
but because it has tears to cry.
this was done very well the beat it was read too fit really well and the words as said already did the poem a wonderful justice
Negative: for me i just wanted more on what he did wrong did he just go away or what?
thanks for entering
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wow
you can feel the true raw emotions of this poem. excellent. i loved it alot! i'm so sorry you are goin through that. but it seems some of the best poems are wrote out of pain! keep it up, you are great!
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interesting take on the prompt. the way you describe pain, sorrow and love is thought provoking and poetically professional. each line was emotion packed. great write.
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aww im sorry its true...so sad
"I'm aching in places I didn't know existed,
and I don't understand what's happening
behind ribcages you once stiched together
in attempt to place a bit of yourself within me."
just amazing! thank you for entering my contest and good luck!
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"I am paper laces and dripping tiles and
pain-laced and spider-broken
and burnt and chipped
and everything you never really wanted,
but still,
you pretended to." that was so creative and captivating.
and you call ME impressive. you are far more original and your words carry so much more heart-break. I try to thread mine with pain but they only come out as shadows of my heart.
no fair.
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HAH, you're funny.
you are sooo impressive.
It's not even funny.
and i'm not really all that original.
xD
I think every word you use comes out threaded with whatever emotion you put into it. It's like magic.
ugh.
<3 -
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so we're basically jealous of each other's writing?
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basically.
<3
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woah. this is beautiful.
i'm in love with your writing.
I am paper laces and dripping tiles and
pain-laced and spider-broken
and burnt and chipped
and everything you never really wanted,
but still,
you pretended to.
---
WOW. the imagery is amazing.
i also love the beginning and the part about weeds.
this is too sad, i hope you feel better hun <33
goodluck in the contest. -
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crap I accidently rated your comment a three when I was trying to hit "reply."
oh welllll.
anyways, thanks so much. =]
<3
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I really have no idea what to say. This is so sad and heartfelt-hartbroken it kills me. I hate seeing my friends sad. :[[ *hugs* Whoever this guy is, he's a big fat jerk and doesn't know what he's missing.
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Aw, thank you. <3
You're wayyy sweet. =]
It's actually like my fault though, I told him I wanted to take a break, sortof as a test, and 2 weeks later he gets a new girlfriend.
It's just really stupid, because I really thought he might have actually been in love with me and waited.
but no.
haha guys are so stupid.
thanks so much for being there. <3
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once again wow...slightly speechless
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Aw, thank you!
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This actually made me cry. cause i know exactly how you feel. it's happening to me too right now. *Hugs* you are a wonderful person, and this is a wonderful yet sad piece.
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aw, thanks so much for your support. <3
I hope everything goes well for you.
it's just about a boy I was going out for 7 months with, but he wanted to get more serious than I did, so I told him I wanted to take a break for a little while.
It's been 3 weeks since then, and I just talked to him for the first time since then.
Jokeingly, I asked him if he had a new gorgeous girlfriend already.
he said yes.
And for some reason, it destroyed me.
because he always said he'd wait for me.
and for some reason I thought he actually loved me.
..but I guess I was wrong.
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