Picture the bliss
of dancing in tandem.
Hear the tinkle of love
flooding forward.
Feel the nectar of
temptation.
Touch the silk of
forbidden pleasures.
Broken is the dance,
as is the rush of affection.
Soured the sweet taste of
betrayal.
The fabric ripped hangs in threads.
Colour you confused.
©2009 rous
1-30-09
Author notes
Written for the contest: up to 50 words by Lavender Butterfly
http://allpoetry.com/contest/2435391
Prompt ~ Colour her gone...
A contest entry
- up to 50 words by Lavender Butterfly.
520 points, ended January 31, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
A critical comment is invited
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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extraordinary in a contest with a limited word count. I found this lovely with a bite.
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I like the imagery of the following line: "The fabric ripped hangs in threads." What I especially like about the line is how it shows, rather than tells, betrayal. By the way, you write with such lucidity for someone 102 years old.
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Thank you for your comment. I am so glad you liked this.
The lucidity is sometimes in question.
*do not tell anyone, but the age is slightly exaggerated*
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once again brilliance is extinguished in some contested manner, this poem is lovely beyond words of any judgement or trophy, it touches on so much of what love and life offer and deny. superb work as always~~~Artis
The lavender butterfly must still be in her cocoon??!!
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Thank you for your kind words. I am quite satisfied that my writing is for the sheer pleasure of the writing. I use contests as inspiration and go from there; in my heart it is beyond gold.
(The butterfly is awaiting her eruption, I think. Perhaps soon she will feel it is time.)
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Only honorable mention, eh? I think this is an outstanding piece, simple but powerful. Bold. Strong. Compelling is the word. Interesting word usage/choices, the feelings created, the contrast beween the stanzas, and the climax of the poem with one word: betrayal. This is outstanding work
~n
va
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Caught that, huh? Still, it is better than most of my placings. I am not too disappointed; unless I read the winners.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
rous
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Truly compelling and certainly engaging... x
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