Unmistaken

my curiousity brings me to conclude..
that you have found someone to delude..
all the things ive done right at this point..

i bid farwell with love in every inch of this land..
only later to be found with a gun in my hand..
no pulse of a heart to soothe the silence in my room..

an empty shell on the ground an the lock on the door..
forbiding anyone to know of the burdens i bore..
keeping my blood painted room unknown to the real world..

on the table ive left a note with great penmenship..
listing all the ones i love and the reasons for my slip..
revealing things most of my family would never have accepted..

"How i wish you all could have known how much i hurt..
knowing i was constantly hurting you, selfish, i am.."

though my intentions were good, you will never understand..
why i thought my escape was something close to a demand..
but none the less my reasoning will not fill the void..

no matter how loud i scream, you never noticed my cry..
and no longer can you pretend you didnt want me to die..
not that these things matter much now..

"the truth about me is that i love a girl. Shes good to me..
and she wanted to meet you, but i doubt you would have..
talked to me after finding out because in your eyes im unworthy"

my honest love for her was more pure than holy water..
but you knowing would only cause our relationships slaughter..
and i couldnt lose both my mother and the love of my life..

You walk into the silent house to see nothing out of place..
setting your purse down on the couch's empty space..
thinking i must be inside my very own dark abode..

hours pass an you think nothing of my absense at all..
but the darkness outside covers the sky and night begins to fall..
you rest your head, and fall partial to a deep sleep..

the sun rises with all its potential and shine..
you wake to my alarm clocks shreiking whine..
come to my door and begin to knock..

finding no cease to the ring of the alarms urgent beep..
you knock harder as if to wake me from a deep deep sleep..
yet, nothing in this setting has changed..

finally you manage to pick the lock using your outsmarting wits..
to find that your daughters brains have been blown to bits..
shocked by the scene, you fall..

the smell of the blood and my rotten withering body makes you sick..
the sharp feel of vomit lifting to your mouth comes quite quick..
you rush away to relieve it..

aproaching my door to re-enter to make sure this isnt a dream..
you calapse an through every desperate weep, you try to scream..
immediatly the cell phone in your hand to call 911..

these few minutes last for ever or so it must seem in her mind..
they retrieve my mutilated body, taking photos of there find..
comforting my mother for her painful loss..

my diary and phone taken, for evidence to my lifeless end..
leaving the house that once was a happy home around the roads bend..
my mother leaves with them, to be helped with further needs..

days pass as my family gathers supporting each other with love..
funeral day arrives and they pray over my ashes to the heavens above..
tears an "im sorry"s float around the room..

weeks, days and months move on after my funeral day..
there bonds, stronger than ever, as i had wanted it that way..
and this is yet the purpose, of my disappearance..

this was my grand finally, the percise moment i sought after..
no longer leading a life with half hearted love an fake laughter..
everyone will know now..

all i have ever wanted, was for them to live together without strife..
and the simple resolution to my problem was to take one little life..
thats how i know in my mind, what i did was right.