In the dirty roads
we watch the day pass
and the night grow cold,
street lights flooded
with our tangled dreams,
our wanton sin
like bad seawater
seeping through our skin
Father,
are we even big enough
that you can see us
or are we just slum rats
sucking the sweet nectar
from your veins,
spilling south in torments
when it rains
Christ,
redeemer with open arms
would you save yourself
from our bitterness
or stand still in prayer,
watching us cry
rust tears
under the onyx sky
Spirit,
carry the moon
back where it belongs,
not here with the slum rats
held by chains of faith,
waiting for respite-
our miracles as empty
as the harbor in the night
Author notes
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil / Christ the Redeemer
I incorporated both the city and the statue. Though it was named one of the 7 modern wonders of the world, the city is filled with crime and violence. I see it as an ironic symbol of hope. I also used a lot of water imagery; it is not necessarily related to the landmark but the Christ statue overlooks both the city and the harbor/coast.
A contest entry
- AP X Factor: Round Five [Top 9] by sideways hourglass.
600 points, ended February 2, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I really like this. You imagery was intense and powerful. Very well done! You deserved to win that contest!
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i like this.
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Wow. I was actually going to write about this statue but I changed my mind and now I am glad I did.
Your imagery was just "WHOA". Your thoughts and confusion and questions are powerful. Good luck finding your answers.
No wonder this won Gold. You finally get the acknowledgment I know you could get!
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Most Magnifiscent
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this is great
street lights flooded
with our tangled dreams,
I didn't follow the the shapes of light and tangle
street lights pour
under tangled lines
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103 X-Factor
Originality 10
Creativity/Poetic device 10
Line-breaks/emphasis/flow/structure 10
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas 10
Cohesion 10
Emotion/personality/edge 9
Impact/Reaction 9
mechanics: 5/5
rules followed: 5/5
diction/verbiage: 5/5
syntax: 5/5
Title: 5/5
overall opinion: 5
Extra credit ~ X Factor: 5
Total possible: 100
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101 X Factor
Originality 10/10
Creativity/Poetic device 10/10
Line-breaks/emphasis/flow/structure 9/10
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas 10/10
Cohesion 10/10
Emotion/personality/edge 9/10
Impact/Reaction 9/10
mechanics: 5/5
rules followed: 5/5
diction/verbiage: 5/5
syntax: 5/5
Title: 5/5
overall opinion: 4/5
Extra credit ~ X Factor: 5/5
Total: 101
You used the form minimalistically (if that wasn't a word, then it is now & it's mine
) and because you paid particular attention to rhythm, it works a treat 
You've come into your own in this round, well done.
Laura
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102 - X Factor
Originality 10/10
Creativity/Poetic device 10/10
Line-breaks/emphasis/flow/structure 10/10
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas 10/10
Cohesion 10/10
Emotion/personality/edge 9/10
Impact/Reaction 9/10
mechanics: 5/5
rules followed: 5/5
diction/verbiage: 5/5
syntax: 4/5
Title: 5/5
overall opinion: 5/5
Extra credit ~ X Factor: 5/5
Total: 102 - X Factor
I loved this. This theme is often avoided, but you've faced it fearlessly. On top of that, the execution was done very well. Free verse or form, you have strong control over what you are writing. And the emotion is just right there - in your face, and the line breaking was very effective. I also got into the rhythm of it and it flowed pretty much flawlessly for me. In my opinion, this is by far your best entry this season. You really stepped it up this round.
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Nice write... I too see the irony of the statue and the city below. great choice as a landmark, and enjoyed your poem. good luck
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I like this, the flow is great, the form used well and the images are stark, and show the life behind the facade of your chosen city.
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