The mirror hangs on my wall
The solitude piece on a
White paint flecked canvas
It's a simple mirror
With painted gold trim
It's only daunting when I look in
Like a leper, my face is scabbed and scarred
With my mistakes
With each glance in this mirror
My wrongs become more clear
Overshadowing all my rights
oh mirror mirror
why can't you
hide my mistakes inside
I try to look deeper
And build my facade
Smearing make-up across
This transgression laden skin
But the make-up doesn't sit right
Uneven and caking in places
My shallow mistakes still
Hold in my reflection
I run my fingers down them
My face, feels smooth
But it's a lie that my mirror
Proudly relays
mirror mirror
I can't take it anymore
As I drag my nails down my face
Scratching and scraping
Until my butter soft skin
Feels raised and marred
Blood tingles and runs down
My skin
As I bleed I look in the mirror
No longer bloodied and scabed
Is my reflection
But beauty instead
No longer does sin scar my face
oh mirror mirror
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Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Ah..you are the specialist to figure out the stories of the pain which makes this life tearful..very touching piece once again..well done..
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I like the idea behind this piece, bringing out emotions that even though a face can appear innocent and pure, what lies under that displays your true self. Thanks for sharing and keep writing.
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...and yet another ''mirror on the wall'' poem, nothing wrong with that, I have two if you care to check them out. This one is good but could do with some improvements, like I would add more vivid imagery, or rework some lines so the imagery stands out more. You do have some good imagery here, maybe I think it's the flow that could be bettered. One gets better with honest commenting, so I hope my comment was helpful to you. Take care now and thanks for sharing.
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I loved the imagery in this......
My shallow mistakes still
Hold in my reflection
I run my fingers down them
My face, feels smooth
But it's a lie that my mirror
Proudly relays
Thought that was excellent.
In the first stanza, you used wall twice, kinda feels unessassary, but other than that i really liked it.
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thanks... i tried so hard not to use wall twice it just happened lol
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Hmmm, what to say? All-in-all, this was a great expressive peace. The pictures are very vivid. I think your biggest area to improve is word usage. Try changing the words up. For instance: in the first stanza, use a different word for "wall" the second time, instead of repeating it. Same for "paint[ed]"
One other suggestion. If you were aiming for a rhythmical piece... there are a few lines that could use some work. Try rephrasing to either lengthen or shorten some of them. And again, use different words.
If you don't care about how the poem flows, then don't worry about it! Ha ha.
You have excellent potential! Great work and keep it up!
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i find it a burn when someone much younger than me tells me i have potential. watch your word choice
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