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I Am Unnoticed; Strangled By Desperation

 

 

time is the distance of our being

 

I cling to the skins of these memories

 

I am washed out

so much that if I remain silent-

 

I blend well with walls  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~

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Author notes

I try.

A contest entry

Im still revising this piece. Constructive criticism is welcome

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Matt E. Smith gold member
    March 4, 2009
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    you are an incredibly gifted poet, love your metaphors


  • Terry Collett
    February 27, 2009

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    Very good.

    Yes, very good and with so few words, as if words were like golddust you want to utilize sparingly.


  • usefuldistraction
    February 4, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Terrific sense of an unspoken loss, something that should have been said or revealed long ago, but is now a sadness that has captured some of the beauty of living. "time is the distance of our being" pristine poetic beauty! And I always love the idea of memories as being worn, whether as clothes, or as "skin" in your piece. It makes them quite permenant. Lovely poetry from your pen!


  • charcoal
    January 31, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    love your opening line. dialogue is always good (:

    smile, laughter, a kiss, us... works for me (:


    'I cling to the skins of these memories' i can relate ( and worry that i'll wear them off completely )

    a strong ending too.


  • tara wilson gold member
    January 30, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    well done, Catie, this is succinct and very well written
    suggestion to keep the first one all present:????
    a hand-made frame with a collage of pictures slides from behind your back...

    anyways, i like how you made the past present tense and the present past tense, and these two worked very well together, i like how the metaphor remained consistent throughout each one.



  • Thomas Scott gold member
    January 30, 2009
    Edit | Reply

    Luvit!

    Good luck in the contest.

    A fine, tight-fitting metaphor here.


  • Cannonsfire
    January 30, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    ...think I have a new favorite of yours The only thing I'd suggest..the piece is so strong...try something other than smile, laughter and kiss...it's too trite for the strength of the rest. Damn fine hun, strong pen here C


    • Catie Sheeran gold member
      January 30, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      ooo...thanks hm...I see what you mean. hmmm...I have to go to work...so I'll think about it there. and hopefully I'll be able to fix it up then.

      thanks again

1 - 10 of 10