Hopeless drowning in martini kisses
on blistered bloody scarlet lips.
The beautiful evergreen field of trees
remind the delight of liquor in hands.
Drink it all hoping problems can not swim
and in a swirling masquerade of dizzyness,
"No one can swim out of solid fate"
burdened body hits the welcoming ground.
Laying down on solemn tree trunk
shaking reach for need of cigarettes.
Mindless inhale of refreshing smoke
only to blow and gaze at the stars.
Smell the subtle hint of smoke
beautiful myst of grey matter that life resents.
Tasteless moment that mints nature's eyes
brings freezing winds that envelope air of death.
Glistening like the silvers of sea water
beneath the emerald bay of oak tree.
Fleeting feeling like a single flower's petal
swimming endlessly on vast ocean.
Fine complexion of crimson rose of dull thorns
so beautiful in dismay colors slowly bleed.
Bravely embrace the timeless moment
like how embracing the departed loved one.
Exhaustion and deterioration of consciousness
attempt to talk to self but speaking only in riddles.
Ironic how clouds can elude such sinful mouth
so strains to draw on grass present thoughts.
But mere flawed eyes can not trace like pen
senses too dull to understand own mind.
But stars care enough to remember the moment
essence will not be entirely forgotten.
In exuberance sitting with a sick grin
waiting for last bits of light to burn out.
Thoughts of misery towards life drained out
by the world loved, cherished, and betrayed.
Seconds of depleting life no time to grieve
concluded can not resist the inevitable.
Unfolding lightning flashes pictured memories
taking time to enjoy, and appeciate dying moment.
"Petals start to fall and mourn the moment my book closes."
Author notes
first of all i'm sorry if its too long and if it'll just make you bored,i tried to make every stanza as poetic and interesting as possible. and its long for a reason i cant just take out stanzas because for me its a phase of dying, of how i imagined i would die, smoking, drunk, and alone. so enough of teh explanation i just want you to hopefully enjoy what i write.
i rarely do this, but i could not find a contest that goes well with the theme of this write, and i think i am satisfied with it, well i still do need criticism not much of appreciation but the latter would still make me feel good lol. i just figured it would be a darn shame that no one gets to read this cause mostly my poems end up being commentless or viewless i dont mind tho but i find this write refreshing in a way, and hoping it could make you feel the same way as i have. and i hope it does make sense. i would of course return the favor.
- So you want comments group list • next in list
.
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
this was astounding. im speechless. wow.
-
beautifully well written. a journey of hardship and pain. great way to end it. and no it wasnt too long. and dont feel that it will bore a reader. if we can read 500 to over 1000 page books, 53 lines is nothing. i wrote longer. this is again a great piece. im glad you didnt subtract any lines or stanzas from this. sometimes to complete a circle, you must draw the circle. and it comes in different sizes.
-
There was some excellent description in this and the words you used were fantastic, it flowed well and was perfectly put together.
Great work.
Laura
-
fav stanza:
But mere flawed eyes can not trace like pen
senses too dull to understand own mind.
But stars care enough to remember the moment
essence will not be entirely forgotten.
well done. i didnt fall asleep lol. -
holy cow
your Authors notes is longer than your poem. hahahas 
and for the record, i DID NOT fall asleep while reading this. i tend to doze off or get distracted when it comes to long poems, or i dont even bother reading them coz the length just traumatises me but this one grabbed me, and it proves you're an awesome writer.
i love the imagery here. it was really intense and the descriptions couldn't have been any better. this is a perfect poem, with such lovely imagery. your words are overwhelming
write on buddy 
-
This was really good and you don't have to worry about it being boring because it held my attention and I'm sure it will do the same for others. I loved the imagery and the emotions, a very sad piece but so true.
-
well to be honest I don't think that you have to worry about this one not being commented on. It is a really good poem. Very interesting very powerful in what you say. You use imagery very well. And I gotta say I liked it. Thanks for sharing this with us.
-
WOW! That was really powerfully sad!! And you keep the words flowing subtly and with intensity!! The phrases are very touching! I like the last line the refrence of petals falling to the book closing!!
Well done with this write!!
~pri
-
This was really good!
I did feel it dragged a tad, but your concept and imagery was so unique, I think it made up for it.
Good work!
-
a bit long, no really long, put some background themes na, it looks dry
I would love to read in between imaginations and themes,
otherwise, you have a great poetic abilities, old and classic,
Bravo!
by
the poet of hearts and beautiful words
-
I did find it long.. but I find anything over 20 lines long.. i just get confused easly.. not to worry
""Glistening like the silvers of sea water
beneath this oak tree.
A fleeting feeling like a single flower's petal
swimming endlessly on the vast ocean.""
this part of your write spoke to me. The imagery in it tickled me all the way down to my toes.. I will have to come back to this read a little later and reread it again for the 4th time maybe ill get it then. -
Pfft. This isn't long. p: I like the use of alliteration in this poem. I felt though it was too much description with the adjectives. I would tone it down a bit. Other than that, it was pretty good.
- Aly -
fav line:But the stars care enough to remember this moment my essence will not be entirely forgotten.
job well done in this write!
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
