I see it
but cant touch
coz its my dream
and its out of my clutch..
Oh!there i see myself
Fairer than what i am actually
Ah!Let me have a closer look
Emotionless;thats what my expression
Or rather the lack of it suggest..
Am i talking to sumone? Or am i just mad?
I see a figure infront of me
blurred is what
I make out of the face..
The conversation is on a mute i suppose
coz hardly anything reaches my ears.
God!its such a happening place to be
but for the lousy actors enacting important characters..
Cant i speak louder?
Where is the voice that frightens a dozen people away?
Wait..now i see the face
Its none other than Aunt Krace
Shouting on me for a candy i stole
but i dont want to wait till her age
when i cant even stroll
She is haunting me in my dreams
where i should be drooling over an ice cream!
I wish i never visited this play
the lousy actors enacting ever so pathetic characters
I really want to hit the playwright
He has got nothing right!!
tormentng my dreams
where i would be better off eating sum ice creams!!
A contest entry
- BEST PREWRITTEN CHILDRENS STORY OR POEM by Raining Kisses.
700 points, ended January 30, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your thoughts and feelings... by invisible2u.
600 points, ended February 6, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think??
Comments
-
thanks for entering my contest!!!
-
i HAVE COMMENTED THIS ONCE BEFORE YOU ENTERED BUT LETS LOOK AT IT AGAIN AS ITS NOW AN ENTRY.
WHAT I LIKE ABOUT THIS IN CONTEXT OF A KIDS WRITE IS THAT IT WOULD APPEAL TO AN AUDIENCE OF OLDER KIDS WHO ARE OFTEN LEFT IN THE COLD
KIDS OF ABOUT EIGHTISH AND A BIT ABOVE WOULD REALLY IDENTIFY WITH THIS ESPECIALLY THE LANGUAGE WHICH IS OF A NICE STRAIGHT TALKING QUALITY
THE FIRST VERSE WOULD REALLY GRAB EM AND PULL EM IN -
This is very different, it sort of puts me in mind of the life we lead on line sort of surreal and removed, i like it very much again i like the rawness, what makes your work different is that you dont try too hard, its like take it or leave it, it has a vulnerable quality about it that is very refreshing. The fourth verse is definately my favourite, this is anothernvery fine write you poet laurate you
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