Words drop into my soul,
celadon murmurs, promises of bliss.
I have yet to meet you face to face,
at the end of the winding jade road,
but let me have my complacent moment
under the dryad's soothing hand
here with you, figure with a charming voice.
Sun kissed colors rain down,
they drip and slide, turning air into something else,
bringing us close, merging us in one.
I sway lost in your breath
and seek shelter from the storm within,
wandering in moss grown mist.
I want to find your face,
I want to touch your voice outside my garden,
yet I am scared. Will you help?
Will you promise to look for me? Is that a yes?
Bring me a flower stolen from the sun,
where read oceans stain the stone
and search for the boy with the forgotten heart
at the port of verdant ships, sailing in a sea of earth.
A contest entry
- SHIPS IN THE FOREST...GO where it takes you by Blue by Blue Rew.
1174 points, ended February 4, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
I have to agree with CS, on the point of how well you managed to combine a metered rhythm, and combine it successfully with the looser structure of free verse. Your word combinations and your imagery appealed to me, as well as that wonderful and soulful journey into expressing something I think a lot of us can relate with; and that is finding that special person to share our hearts and souls with. Excellent writing, and well worth the read.
-
-
I am still quite shocked to hear all this talk about a meter being used or thought about. It must have crept inside on its own accord, because I just wrote the poem and it came out like this. So I am flattered. Thank you for reading.
-
-
You have swept me away with you on a magical journey from here to who knows where... across an ocean of romantic fodder and a mountain of maybe, what one heart really desires is to be known... and loved!!! Very picturesque indeed!!!
-
-
Thank you! I wanted to take a journey like that and dress the feelings with new words, set them in new scenery and let them flourish.
-
-
Beautiful poem, your quest for love is lyrical and eloquent. It stirs my imagination and entices me to follow your smooth cataract of emotional longing penned here.
I only had one question. In the last verse these lines:
Bring me a flower stolen from the sun,
where read oceans stain the stone
is it supposed to be "read oceans?"
I loved reading this poem, thank you for bringing it here.
-
-
Hi, thank you very much!! I just felt like the time to finally write one of those and tackle it in a more platonic and straight forward matter. Not so many symbols to hide it.
And yes, the oceans are "read" ~ though I do not built much to make the meaning known, but I will share it with you: it is the endless amount of fiction written for the topic on love. It just came and I wrote it down as it did. In later edits I make this more known.
-
-
Oh, I love this. It reminds me a bit of my own style of writing. I love the strange and varied imagery of the first stanza, and the longing and fearful tone of the second. I think my one complaint is the clump of questions in the second stanza with little imagery, but I think it works in this case to add to that wondering tone. I really liked where this piece took me, I enjoyed reading it very much. I think the imagery in that first stanza on its own stands above, and the rest just adds to make it spectacular.
~lost
-
-
Thank you! I love unusual imagery. It it is my trade mark. I understand the question part, because I didn't know how the end result will be. The flow is sped up, but I think that worked to add a slight touch of need.
-
-
I don't know what the word "deladon" means.
I think there are some very visual and wonderful lines in this verse that express longing and need so carefully that one wants to comply.
Lovely. Nice to see a trophy for the imagery here. ~Pamela
-
-
I deciphered it... It was supposed to be celadon. Hah!
Thank you very much for stopping by and commenting. It is my first attempt at somewhat more love struck poem.
-
-
You have successfully combined the lyrical rhythm of a metered poem with the unforced word usage of free verse. This poem moves along very gracefully with the aching questions in the second stanza. The final line is especially compelling with a vivid, unusual image. Congratulations on your trophy. Peace, Liz
-
-
Why thank you! It was a pleasure to write and unusual imagery is my trade card, so to say. You can tell something is mine, when it is disagreeable with reality.
-
-
What is "deladon"? I like the romanticism included here very much, just a soft, gentle feeling left in my soul by the end.
-
-
Thank you very much and to be quite honest I seem to not know what my fingers have so eagerly typed. It is a first time occurence and yet I feel like a word like that should exist.
-
-
"where read oceans stain the stone"...
I adore this line and still, that does not diminish the others. The tranquility balanced by the
verge and all of it suspended in colours. I could
actually feel the heat from the leaves rising.
Each stanza held its own strength and the whole
ties so wonderfully to the prompt, stirring it
with heart. Blue
-
-
I am most honored to receive a price for this piece. You can say the romantic mood swept me away and your theme was superb. Blessed be sister by heart and I am happy I brought you joy.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
