I thought i was over you
once and for all.
You luscious brown hair
and your deep golden eyes.
I despise loving you,
with your ridiculously cute ways.
Oh and how you lift my soul,
When I hear you sing.
If you didn't make my stomach tense
every time I hear your name,
If only the sound of your voice,
didn't make my knee's shake.
Then maybe I could collect myself
and become whole again.
Being friends with you is a hard decision to make
but I would jeopardize it all.
Just to hear you say it again,
light my soul on fire,
soak the sunlight through my corpse.
Those silver word's you say no more...
i suppose are in past tense.
for once you said "I love you so"
but now it seems we are hardly friends
Because I dwell on what we were
Author notes
A contest entry
- THIS SHOULD HAVE WON GOLD!! by lindaburns.
1900 points, ended February 16, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 1000 tr0phies! wh00t! by amaranthine lover.
1750 points, ended February 17, 111 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
OK. This is a fairly well put together work. I understand the situation you put forth. I have two problems with it. You are not consistent with your “I”s. Sometimes you make the uppercase, sometimes you make them lower case. And on line 7, you need to leave the “’s” off soul or tell us what belongs to soul. You may correct this and leave it in or remove it and enter something else. Thanks for entering.
-
I can tell how painful this is for you and I think a lot of us can relate to this feeling. Beautiful write, so heartfelt and full of imagery. I can practically feel your sorrow in this piece, it's beautifully sad. Good luck in the contests!
Blessings,
~Michaela~
-
yea this is painful and i can relate. thinking about what were and trying now to face what we are now. bittersweet none the less. true and deep poem. great write
-
Oh man... this speaks volumes to my life..
""for once you said "I love you so"
but now it seems we are hardly friends""
So many times ive given men my love and they have walked all over it.. sigh... oh well.. this is a sad write. Thank you!!
-
-
yeah i went out with this guy for two years and i used alot of emotion in this
-
-
I despise loving you,
with your ridiculously cute ways.
Oh and how you lift my soul's
When I hear you sing.
heartbreaking but very good write!
-
Those silver word's you say no more...
i suppose are in past tense
You missed capitalising an I here.
You have written this really well with your emotions, used your words well. The past is what makes us who we are but we need to move on from it else it'll always pull us down.
A great write.
Laura
-
Hey, this stuff happens... I guess it just takes time to heal from it and stop dwelling on the past, and try to see the future. Lovely poem, although very sad. Try to keep your spirits up.
Blessed Be,
-Sadien
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
