in the midst of autumn,
we lie here in prayer,
seeking instant gratification
we believe to be our right
in the midst of winter,
we have an electric frost,
keeping you at bay,
just outside the safety zone
(comfort will not be compromised)
in the midst of spring we dare to feel love,
dare to breathe flowers and sunshine,
and all the hope that is implied
and we lie bare for summer's love
sweet fornication that rejuvenates,
repressing the despair that threatened us
with eternal winters...
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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wow
This was an amazing write, there is an emotion to it, great way that you described the different seasons, great write good job
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Interesting
Your writing style is interesting. I am impressed with how well you managed the flow, and we all have typos, so there isn't anything wrong with that. Fix it though
All in all, a great poem. Keep writing!
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pretty, nice, pretty nice
Not sure if "temped" is a word?
The three-line stanza seems too separate from the rest in tone, word choice-maybe use simpler, shorter words.
Also (and this is a completely weird, picky, personal preference thing) I don't (usually) go for ellipses at the end of poems. It's done pretty nicely here, though.
Great job! A sweet, short read. -
a most wonderful write
terrific I was lost from the start
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I really like how you expressed this. Very beautifully written.
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aww sis this is so beautiful you did such a wonderful job with this piece!!!! This is so heartfelt and well written!!!! I love it!!!!!! I U!!!!!!
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