The Day That Never Comes

So much then
As I do now
Though I pretend
Still I wonder how

And then comes the why
With worry I can’t disguise
Why I didn’t falter and die
Why I wasn’t that guy

Waiting for when it all comes undone
Where I lie broken and destroyed
Still that day won’t seem to come
And on I press with paranoia I can’t avoid

Scrapping across callous boulders
Of my rock bottom travesty
With the crushing weight on my shoulders
From all my abominable fallacies

Was I not the prodigal son?

The one to serve as the martyr
To set an example for all others
Whose name no one would utter
And talk only of me in whispers?

I was not supposed to have won…

But now I stand here today
Wondering why I’m the one
As the last of my sanity drifts away
That lived to see another rising sun

I can’t rationalize it
But I won’t chalk it up to fate
Why I never seem to quit
And face the fiery gates

I have waited so very long
Though it seems irrefutably wrong
Maybe that day has come and gone
And I should accept and move along

Still, I live my life under the gun

A soul of terminal humility
With no means of escaping
My tiresome doubt and insecurity
I will always find myself waiting

For the day that never comes