The leathery smooth slide of the t_a_p_e_m_e_a_s_u_r_e against your skin
(stretched taut against the painfully sharp angles--your collarbones make--as they
jut out like Mt. Kilimanjaro; casting deep shadows against the sickly pale of your throat)
makes your neck tingle with masochistic delight, anticipation at the thought of your cruel mastery over self.
Watch as the smooth curves of your neck greedily eat away at the n.u.m.b.e.r.s
with rising anxiety, hyperventilate with short, panting breaths that catch at your lungs
a searing ache that never quite goes away anymore except maybe that's because of the cigarettes
[not that you ever liked the taste of rancid smoke but it was supposed to help you lose some of that damn weight]
The relentless march of tiny digits, printed in faded r'e'd against yellowed w'h'i't'e
slows and then finally heaves to a halt at {26}...and the world comes crashing down with a squeal
of tortured machinery and ghosts crying out high heaven...because {26} suddenly seems the equal of i,n,f,i,n,i,t,y
and your hateful fingers clench shut with a sudden snap over the innocent tape measure and some hidden force exerted -y-a-n-k-s-
Author notes
suicide by anorexia
that's what comes to mind when i read it
silvermisery (authors name)
evil angels are of the best kind
dirty pretty is a style of poetry, free verse, that uses various punctuation marks and other keyboard symbols to emphasize or add extra imagery to the poem, such as "&&", "__", "//" "|" etc. It also focuses a lot on imagery and descriptive phrases
i chose eating disorders
A contest entry
- Coffee and/or Cigarettes by jayyniecakes..
400 points, ended February 16, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Forms/Dirty Pretty by the evil angel.
400 points, ended May 10, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER by serenity silvermoon.
569 points, ended February 8, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Addicted by Velvet Rose Petals.
900 points, ended February 24, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'll Have To Warn You; This Is Going To Hurt, Really Hurt. by SarahEatsAirplane.
1750 points, ended March 21, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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finalist. great job. i'm speechless. this was beautiful to read.
good job.
good luck. -
Hate Cigerettes.
Love Dirty Pretty.
The prose kind confuses me a little though. Mainly because the sentences seem to run into each other instead of being a sentence, I guess.
This is one of the best prosepoems I've read in a while, though.
My favourite line?
makes your neck tingle with masochistic delight, anticipation at the thought of your cruel mastery...
Great write.
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Wow. Very great imagery. You painted a canvas in my head. Anorexia is a really bad addiction. Really really good write though.
Rose -
Alright, your line endings a lot of the time have to run into another line and that makes it kind of awkward. Try to cut out any filler words. You asked for constructive criticism, so I though I'd try to give a bit of i). In general, this is quite well done. It's heartbreaking to read. I've already decided not to pursue dirty pretty, but this is a very well written poem and I would like to thank you for entering it in my contest.
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And what is dirty pretty? I asked for that too. Will comment on the actual poem later.
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aww.... its so sad.
I've gone the anorexia route with smokes, and it really does work. :]
good luck in my contest!
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wow this was really good. its so vivid. its like you can see everything as it happens.
great job!
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Wow
This is intense!
I don't see anything to change.
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