ANIMAL:
Erratic movement in and out of stores
pushing junk-stuffed shopping carts
to fully-loaded SUV's
My inability to achieve perfection
I stand myself among animals
Greedily I partake in the hunt,
moving my cart into position.
Longing for the newest gadget,
as the animal insticts entwine
themselves with my desire to own
The smell of blood fills my nostrils
The door opens carefully, the clerk jerks
out of the way quickly
The stampede begins
Clawing, biting, and screaming a snarl
Ripping and shredding at those in front of me
Until the gadget is in my all too human hands
My bread of life
The overwhelming empowerment of ownership
Swelled
It was as though life pulsated
within the hardware
of my new toy
My animalistic habits were tamed for now
But all around me the survival insticts
Still perfumed the air
Fellow animals were
Still feeding in the heat of their bloodlust
Triumph was shattered
as I looked around me
There in that moment
Two skulls were crushed
All for the sake of
Merchandise
Watching these human bodies
tear through shopping malls
gaining their falsified satisfaction
OUTSIDER:
The item I fought so hard to obtain
falls to the ground
Shock and despise entangle themselves
on my face
Seeing for the first time what I am
A friend of deception and consumerism
Aiding an arsenal of billionaires with hellish designs
bent on destruction and collection of our few pennies
My focus blurred as
People/animals move in and out of outlets
like ravenous predatory animals
Their hunt:
A never ending blood pool
that sickeningly my body half expects to join the carnage
repulsed at my bodies reaction
I avert my attention
No longer do pictures of loved ones
hang on our walls because
we've lethally our attention hungering
cell phones enslave us
our pictures now decorate the
interior six-inch screen
so..
the animal insticts thrive within
Breeding and growing
making them demons and hellish animal-like monsters
with blood under there nails and dripping from mouths
we've bathed ourselves in the retched stench of
a God-like death
PATHWAY:
Along my spiritual journey there were those
that broke my spirit and
kicked me off the path
Preying on my inhabitations
like scavengers on a freshly decaying corpse
draining my mental abilities
Much like a vampire bat feeding on the blood of its victim
I sit idle, watching these animals
squash the human condition
they taunt me, bugging me
to join them in their frivolity
they chant “ EAT, DRINK, AND BE MERRY”
the only hell to endure is death
Making billionaires their gods
They boldly worship swaying their
arms in the air in some ritual fashion
I take one last vigil over these souls
Guilt and anguish attacking themselves
within me
REDEMPTION:
My mind filled with swarming thoughts
each seeking to overpower the other in volume
Hitting and crashing into my skull
leaving their impressions
But laughter finds my lips
and for a moment my roadway is clear
Walking away I
lead myself to another venture
one of secluded silence
away from greed and lust
away from prying vulture eyes
where my thoughts are my
FRIENDSHIP
My santuary appears in the horizon
a place of redemption
where I can empty my head
and lose that part of me...
animal
I check myself in
confident in ending temptations grasp
no animal desires inside these walls
all layered in plastic cushions
and soothing colors of lavender and sea foam green
I am left with the final laugh
as the liquid euphoria runs through my veins
Nursing staff parading
about me
catering to my lunacy
My only friend within
The animal world
Author notes
deadlypoetic88
In a list
A contest entry
- ANYTHING GOES by VerminVomit.
1300 points, ended March 9, 146 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Should you be on my favorites? by unraveled.
700 points, ended March 15, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Comments Contest Version 2.0 by Bean Sidhe.
700 points, ended April 3, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I WANT ANYTHING! by Umi Juvariel.
4300 points, ended April 9, 369 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 49 of 49
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Nice breaks here, and excellent use of the capitalized words for impact. I love how each group felt like a different poem, that really made this work. I enjoyed this poem. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.
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Wozers Well written great imagary. I felt like I tis there. Keep writting your very good at it.
~ Chelsey
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i feel horrible, i never really thought about it this way. thanks for the eye opener
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Thanks for the read
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Oi! You were incredibly thorough in your descriptive devices. I felt like I was in the middle of Wal-Mart on Black Friday. Yish, not a good feeling for someone that is potentially agoraphobic but more likely just hates 99% of the population equally!
The ONLY criticism that I would offer you is that you used animal or some derivative many times over in the body of the piece. I might consider referring to a thesaurus for a bit of variety.
All in all, this was a creative effort that certainly got your points across! Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest!
- Beán Sidħe -
lol
I don't think I've ever read a poem like this.
But I found it interesting, and it was well written.
So kuddos! haha -
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Thanks IM me with links to 3 poems for me to read
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fierce
wow realy fierce!!! in the begging this poetry reminded me of black friday!!!...but overall verry passionate and wicked good
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lol I wanted it to sound like the worst shopping day of the season
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a good message u conveyed through ur words...
funny and serious both rolled into one...
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Thanks for the read
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it was very good and even funny in some parts but yet it had a serious message about our society, i really liked it
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Thank you Do you see how it was inspired by ginsbergs Howl
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this was very funny! i am so glad that i dont experience these kinds of shopping trips! haha!
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Lol yeah I know what you mean
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It is long But then again I have writen plenty of long poems
No valid criticism
where my thoughts are my
FRIENDSHIP is different to the other breaks but as it is a continuation is probably ok
Nice job as I loathe shopping
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this is oh so long, I don't know how you could keep on writing such amazing stuff for so many paragraphs,
Great write, Thanks for entering this contest and Good luck
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thank you
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Ah..so hard to live with the suffocative choices and you are very talented to bring the immages of the situations in the wonderful poetic words..very great poetry..
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the images in this piece are what makes the experience almost real,from detail in emotion to desires of life this piece has quality's and strife ridden within.
thanks for sharing
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thank you for reading
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Wow
You described shopping from every vantage point. Very good and astonishing imagery. I feel like i was at Walmart.
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Thats what my creative writing teacher said
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I think you've taken this beyond what most of us write about but then again what do I know I'm a meer poet that is still caring enough to voice my opinion. But like most opinions it's mine not yours or anybody elses.
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i often take things a little farther. the deep root of this is that shopping can be maddening
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OKay, you make me want to give up shopping forever. LOL.
Im ascared of you honey.
Love,
jin -
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youre scared of me???
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Superb Plus +
'Tis a very fine write, indeed. As I always say, 'simplify; simplify, simplify'. The more possesions one has the more time/money/effort goes in to taking care of them. Why I should I be a slave to consumerism? I always mute the TV ads, cause you never know whether or not they are telling the truth about the product(s) they are advertising. -
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thank you. i have worked hard on this and im still editting it
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Nice flow and a great new view on a difficult subject!
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thanks. it shocks me when people actually read this
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the flow of this is awsome, its really fast paced at the beggining, then gradually softens into a cool calmness, this is just how i used to feel when id hit Oxford street in London for the day, everything so manic, but on the way home, normallity would come, bliss xx
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thanks. this poem has been like my baby. i have been working on it since i was a junior in high school. ive changed it so many times that i have finally decided to leave it alone lol
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Good job of editing, I remember this piece. Thanks for sharing it and keep writing.
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im glad i did a good job
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Awesome!
Hugs, Moon
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thank you
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WOW AMAZING!!!!!!! You did an absolutely FANTABULOUS job with this write!!! This is excellently written and portrayed!!!! A marvelous piece indeeed!!!!! I adore it!!!! Keep up the wonderful work!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!
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thanks
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I really like the last section "REDEMPTION" as it is so calming and positive. I think that section could stand as an excellent poem all by itself.
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i've been told that before. thank you so much for your comment
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astonishing!
I have not yet checked out your profile but this peice is increadible, it potrays the raw, aniamal nature that has always been innate human beings
but is now simply dressed in digital dillusion and
chrome.
Great write, I am new to the forum and would love some feed back on my work if you'd be willing.
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thanks. i would love to read some of your stuff
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What the hell were you shopping for exactly??? Alcohol, drugs, chocolate milk??? I tried to follow
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just shopping in general. its really not that hard to follow
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very sick poem
love it loads
u r very talented
keep writing
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thanks
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No longer do pictures of loved ones
hang on our walls because
we've lethally our attention hungering
cell phones enslave us
our pictures now decorate the
interior six-inch screen
so..
the animal insticts thrive within
very good imagery here in this piece of art! we are consumer animals indeed...of the worst kind. myself included. great write
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thanks glad you liked it
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