League of fools,
Planet full with asshole pools
Assholes forever last,
Adoring the scent of their own pompous ass,
A social stanch one can't get past.
So why is it assholes last and last?
Antagonistic idiots
With apparent balls of brass.
Assholes forever last
With intermittent puffs and blasts
Repetitive obnoxious fumes of intoxicating gas.
Aliens from a distant past
Fuck like rabbits and multiply fast
Piles of defecation
Known as asshole pacts
So why do assholes last and last?
League of fools.
A contest entry
- I WANT ANYTHING! by Umi Juvariel.
4300 points, ended April 9, 369 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
-
Passion, huh?
Let me see if I know the intention of the writer.
The world somehow manages to get run, by not very bright, or at least not very nice little cliques and coteries. They are self-admiring, and power is handed down, perhaps not directly father to son, but at leat in a similar, nepotistic kind of way, via an 'old boys' network'
Or maybe I missed it completely.
I liked the 'aliens from a distant past', and wondered about it. Perhaps it was not the writer's intention, but, it is the case that in many lands, the people who have education, money, land and power, are in large part drawn from ancient aristocracies, which themselves acquired their status, long ago, by being 'alien' invaders. This is true of England (indeed Britain as a whole), where a great many people who are doing well in whatever sphere, have down-right Norman names, others have lost the name, but that is their descent. France too has an old aristocracy , which seems to pop in and out of the political elite, and which in some cases goes back to the Frankish invasions. Even Italy reminds us that it was conquered by Germanic, fair-haired Goths, when we see the occasional, blue-eyed fairish person. The Italians of course know how to do aristocracy: no-one is more suave.
Rus is so-called because it was conquered by the reddish-haired Vikings, and no doubt they faded away - or did they? In any event, there was a great fashion in the 19th century, for Russian aristos to claim ancestry from the previously despised Tatars, who had once ruled the Russians. And if you look at those high cheek-bones, the reason why Russians have them, and other Slavs do not, is because the other Slavs did not have that inter-mingling. with the Tatars (or Tartars as they were called by way of insult).
Perhaps there are members of the Greek Government who look back to Aeschylus? Or Egyptian families who have been 'comfortably off' since their ancestor the Pharoah's scribe?
Or perhaps I have it all wrong!!!
-
awesome job thanks for entering
-
The end rhymes were nice at times, and kind of forced in other places. I thought this was a little too forceful, and not in a good way. The flow gets a little lost, but other than that, I enjoyed the theme here. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.
-
haha, I like the satirical tone. Could apply to so many specimen in the society. I have not the slightest idea which community you directed this at but I can relate it to so many. And that is why it works much better. Self obsessed elites, politicians, tunnel-visioned critics...aah, so many.
The structure is fine too but the rhyme doesn't work for me consistently. I see the need of the rhyme in this piece considering the satire/humor but it could be a little better executed I believe.
May be not though... I am usually not very fond of rhymes so it takes a little more to please me with a rhyming piece.
Good work. Funny, cynical and refreshing. -
-
hey thanks for the careful comment
Well it is directed to all communities and all assholes present worldwide who follow the same lowly pattern of behavior and schemes. you see Rhon is American, and I am Egyptian-Turkish, and you are Indian, and we all agree to that, so it is an international phenomenon these days expanding out of the norm and becoming way too much and destructive
but then again
so pathetic. Thank you again for reading it and taking the time to comment.
-
-
Before i form an opinion I'd like to know if this is in a certain format. And if it is, please send me a link describing the form. am quite well acquainted with the usual ones but his I couldn't fathom.
-
-
Thank you for responding immediately
As you see this is a collab between Rhon Pannell and I. this is totally our own style
-
-
lol that is absolutly beautiful!
-
Title had me, and the content had me even further. Assholes are a million to one these days...sigh. Though I loved this evil, evil poem. I so see myself ranting this out one day, and 'intoxicating' sounds fit enough to be there!
As always, a great poem to be read.
Cheers
-
Haha - a barbed social criticism with a keen sense of humour to make it palatable to the reader. Why did I feel that it was aimed at politicians mainly ? Perhaps insipred by the most recent political event in Gaza ? I wouldn't change "intoxicating" as I feel it implies that the public are duped by the political lies but that's just my opinion.
Did you mean deification or defecation ? "Piles" suggests the latter as does the gas theme on "assholes" lol.
-
-
you are right my dear :)
Thank you for correcting it. lol yes it is towards politicians and others associated with them and life politics too. We thought of assholes around everywhere
Dear Tony thank you for reading it dear. I treasure your opinion and need it always.
-
-
There is not too much to say after you make to giggle. Nice done.
~Sonja~
-
-
Lovely queen thank you so much
You know Rhon excells in such issues, he is hillarious
)
-
-
Alright, the title just caught my attention and occupied me with laughter for several long minutes.
The poem is hilarious. I can't think of much to critique, except that I would separate line 8 into two lines where the sentences ends.
I love how you ended every line with an "ass" sound. -
-
thank you, I separated the lines :)
-
thank you so much for reading and commenting :)
-
-
Title is effective and apt wordplay. Maybe stance instead of stanch? Maybe ghastly gas instead of intoxicating? Not criticisms per se, perspectives offered as you asked for suggestions. Indeed Uranus would need to be a huge ass place if all the antagonistic souls went there! Have three happy clappy chappies for your sense of humour
-
not to an anus, but a bit redundant in places. Funny and vulgar yet carries a socio-political statemnent . Kudos.
passes toilet paper
-
Excellent. You had me with the title and didn't let me down while I was reading.
The only thing that felt out of place was the word "intoxicating".
Keep writing
Adding your comment:
1 - 19 of 19
