I believe that you believe, in what you believe in

In everyday life God throws a curve ball.
An accident that never seems dull.
Should I pray only on Sundays'?
Can God take me away?
Why do we need the evil one inside?
Why is it that only God can decide.

How can I pray when it doesn't fit my time agenda?
I awake my preciuos kid then feed and nurture her.
Sending her to school and then off to the grocery store to shop for food.
Drop off my supplies and then clean house with no help of sorting laundry.

Pick up the kid and take her to after school activities.
Soccer practice, basketball practice, swimming practice then a drive around town.
I am a good mother, after all I am always there for all PTA meetings.
I am at every social event and a member of the booster club. So why am I at this bar everyday.
Why do I always have to drink another?
I always keep my drinking supplies full at home.
Some in the back of the toliet, others in old cleaning product bottles.
Heck, I even hide some of the bottles in the flower garden.
What are the consequences that I could ever have?
It's not like I am hurting anyone.

Why am I forgetting something, then with a jolt I hopped off the seat then out the door I went.
I lead myself to the car, but for some odd reason today's gravity put up a good fight.
I slam the door harder than any hurricane ever could.
I set the seat leaning all the way so I look good.
I hurried down the road to pick up the kid',
Well, I am only an hour late and traffic is a little jammed.

I opened my eyes and then I noticed that my family and the doctors voices are toned silent.
Is this a God given talent given to them?
I was not taught that, it must be God's fault and I always put extra money for titheing.
God never ever likes me, I am always seeing everyone else getting blessings.
My best blessing was the trusty ol' bottle.
He listens and gives me comfort when I need it the most.

The police came in the room with a dry erase board and with writting on it.
It read "Ma'am, were you under the influence before the accident?"
She wrote "only a few, it never ruined my driving ability and it was just a fender bender."
The officers wrote " A fender bender!, You crashed into a school bus and killed twenty."
The officers are starting to yell at the mother profusely, then a moment later a loud bepping sound started. Every medical worker rushes into the room and orders the officers out.

I had tears of lava coming down my face as did dad. He held me tauntly and started praying and pleading for his wife to live. The loud beeps are now silent and the doctor came out and started talking to dad as I rushed in to see my mother. I started to tell her that it was my fault. I was the one that made her go to those stupid games and for making such good grades in school only to make her proud. Mom wasn't proud all the time, I couldn't help much as she needed me to be. I was a spoiled brat and had to be popular just to make her proud.

"Mom...Mom...Mom...Mom...I will be right back with your bottle...that always seemed to help her," I said. Just as I was going out the door when Dad stopped me and said that we are too late. We walked to the car with heads down and fierce tears coming down our faces. Dad looked over and said "We are going to make mom look like she was before she started drinking."

When we got home I grabbed my dog and went outside in the backyard. Scruffy my dog started to dig at the ground and I went over to scold him. He found a full bottle of scotch, my lip started to progress closer to the open container when a voice said, "Emma...Emma...". Everytime I heard my name spoken I looked around and seen no one. The voice said..."Emma, you don't need that and nor should you ever. Look at what happened today." I said, "Who is that and how do you know my name?" I looked up and was baffled, The faces of mom and God was in the clouds. Mom did say, I am proud of you and dad. I am sorry about today and I want you to help some of the ones that are just like me before God needed me today.

I beleive that you believe, in what you believe went through Emma's mind when her mom said help those that are just like mom. Is it also correct to say that a sufferer who is still suffering can or can't help another sufferer?

"Well mom your right, you was always hard to understand neither sober nor clean." I do believe that statement is only ment for those who choose to.

                                        In memory of lil Jo