Would you kindly take the
time and come under the
ocean, to a city where
dreams come true.
Would you kindly join
the world of rapture, as
everything falls apart. Sit back
during the ADAM rush, and
watch the city crumble.
Would you kindly join our
dystopia, and serve under a
man named Atlas in
the revolution? The pipes
burst and buildings fall,
while babies are strangled
in their cribs.
Would you kindly kill
your Little Sister and harvest
everything inside?
Mr. Bubbles wandering around,
drilling through living tissue
to protect her.
Watch the chaos unfold and
the insanity take hold.
Would you kindly
listen to everything
that's taking place?
A man chooses,
a slave obeys.
A contest entry
- Round 1 Are you good enough? by DarkShard.
900 points, ended March 31, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Guaranteed Comments! III by Nam.
1750 points, ended April 14, 159 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
-
A nice poem that you have written here.
-Nam
-
cool!
Griping and crude. your imagery is exactly what i am looking for.
I think you migh have what it takes for the next round...... we will see won't we.
if you get through take this criticism on board.... take a subject..... and focus on it, imagery is fantasticwhen it moves and builds up in tension into an exploding finale that ties up the poem. your nearly there. take this on board with every poem that you do.
well done cracking effort.
-
I do not know how you write with such depth at such a green age.
you have the subtlety of a mature man..."...Would you kindly listen to everything that's taking place? A man chooses, a slave obeys."
do you realize what confidence and experience it has to require to state the profound son eloquent and with what gravitas. At 18 you will either continue to muscle or end in destruction. I sense you carry a lot of weight on those youthful shoulders. I wish you peace. Good Shit!
-
nicccee =]
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