Garnet
Limestone fissures
surrender fridgid waters,
to course languorously,
tracing curves and bends.
Lulled into respites of dreams,
I surrendered to currents.
Don’t we always give ourselves to currents,
Even if giving means savagely fighting the tides?
They swallowed me vitally.
whirled into vertiginous panic, fear … and acceptance.
Just a breath,
one gulp of air,
to reminisce precious expansions.
How could it all be so brief?
Goodbye.
The river cackled and spat me out.
I gasped searing life
Once again.
Resurrection.
Blue Topaz
It was just a step,
or so I thought...
until fibula sang like a Springfield 303.
Lightning slashes and rips my coils;
blue flamed, crushing, visceral paroxysm
unlike any nightmare I have lived,
(except when she said goodbye)
felled me to ceramic plain.
Where once was light, was darkness.
Surfaced.
Blank,
vacuous,
inside-out.
Unconsciousness does not
apparently salve torment.
Appendage, melon ballooned,
“I’ll get back to you….”
Drive myself to the infirmary.
“What the hell were you thinking?
Yes.
What the hell was I thinking?
Resurrection.
Garnet
“I breathe again.”
Blue Topaz
“I stride again.”
Resurrection
Blue Garnet
"All I want is to breath again...."
"Won't you stride with me?"
"Resurrection."
Author notes
Reply Form?
You deserve better Blue. Just accept it as "its the thought that counts." Thank you for all you give.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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two drongos from Durango
Line 2: "frio"? as in Frio County, Texas? If so, use capitals or put in an author note. Or, if Spanish for 'cold', put in author note, please. Comprende?
Line 3: "languorously". Lazy, languid rivers don't have the energy to have currents that can spit one out. Try a different word, or make it clearer that lots of rivulets eventually make torrents; especially in limestone canyons.
"(except when she said goodbye)" - unnecessary line
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Thanks Gagkikew. those are meaningful comments and do help the continuity of the piece.
Took a little liberties with the spanish, as being in Central Texas the two languages often are blended. Nice catch on the sub reference to the Frio Rivier, so that was a two-fer in both the latitude with languages and a nod to the real Frio River.
[edit] changed the term as it caused to much frowning among the non-Spanglish speakers...
languorously. that is a thoughtful observation. These depict real events, and there was a casual drifting until the river unexpectedly swallowed her. I was somehow trying to convey how she was lulled into a false feeling of safety. let me thing about that in terms of revision.
Thanks again
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I was hoping for something different as I read, but...
Anyway, it was still great. As said before, the two "Gems" which I almost believe refer to eye color, become people. These people have problems and strife, but they both learn what will polish and shine them again. Overall, great morale and good vocabulary. -
love it!!
I love this piece. It really gives the stones the respect and consideration that they so greatly deserve!
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I adore that these gems actually become persons
as I read. I feel completely entwined in their stories. Near-death experiences have a way of
awakening one to life, its possibilities.
In the final interactions, you give the two words
of breathing and walking deeper meanings and
link life to reaching-out. Thank-you for such
a moving piece. Blue
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