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I'm Here

I'm here,
But
I'm only hanging on
By a thread
Being held here
When I don't want to be
Trying to pull away
And I'm getting very close
To the edge
The edge
Of this cliff
Any closer
And I'll fall
Fall
To my fate
Death is better
Better than this
Better than being here
And living
Living a life
I don't want
To live
At all
Anymore

Author notes

Prompt:
http://images.epilogue.net/users/straubart/Dreaming_tree

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • TheFootballPlayer
    April 10

    Edit | Reply
    This is good and intense because it has what every poem needs, real pure emotion and with that every poem is good. Good write. Message me if you ever want to talk.


  • Umi Juvariel
    March 26

    Edit | Reply
    There were a couple of lines I felt weren't needed here. You could've made this a lot simpler and easier to read by condensing the repetition. You went a little overboard with it. I do like this though, and I thank you for sharing it. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    February 8
    Edit | Reply
    This would look better and be easier to read if you broke it up into stanzas


  • The Drifter
    February 1

    Edit | Reply
    I think you conveyed your thoughts very--please don't act on your thought--we would loose a promising
    poet.


    • KelsiEvermore
      February 1
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for the comment and the applaus. And I'm definitely not planning to act on those thoughts.

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    January 31

    Edit | Reply
    I am sorry, this doesn't do it for me. It reads like a journal entry and the emotion falls just slightly flat.

    I would haveliked to see more imagery throughout this

  • yeckerah
    January 29
    Edit | Reply

    good write

    I can feel being there-- i mean here
    thx for sharing.


  • Kathraina silver member
    January 28

    Edit | Reply
    wow a really strong piece with deep emotions behind the words. i think we all feel that way sometimes. we jus need to get away from the edge and run for the light! Great job, thank you for entering and good luck!

    ♥ Kathraina


  • Tqop
    January 28

    Edit | Reply
    Don't be so sad. Pray. Always think of what you do have and how others are suffering more. and that will make you larger than life...lol. I got that from N'sync or the backstreet boys. But don't be so sad. I understand your sadness, believe me.

1 - 14 of 14