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A Large field To Wander In

Space that knows no time.
Where Loneliness finds no rhyme.
Where I see through my heart,
and wonder afar.

Alarge field to wander in.
Vastly growing tell the end.
Find me through your infinite space.
A field of peace untraced.

Author notes

wrote this in writers club at school!! ^_^ the prompt was the title above

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13
  • Topnotchsy
    November 16
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    Nice write here!!


  • chaiss1
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    The poem uses the words to conect to one another to make it seem longer and more poetic that without suchitems added...


  • redbarchettadrive gold member
    March 21
    Edit | Reply
    Naomi,
    I think you did a fine job!


  • Exit-Stage-Right
    March 17

    Edit | Reply
    You might be on to greatness by mistake. I'm relatively sure that you meant wander with an "a" (to walk about aimlessly) rather than wonder with an "o" (to dream), but yet wonder with an "o" actually strikes me as the more profound message.... a big field where you roam about dreaming (wondering). Wondering as you wander, as it were.

    You might want to edit the first word of the second stanza and make it two words-- "A large."


    • nobumagawaX
      March 17
      Edit | Reply

      crying!!!!!!!!

      i never know how to spell wander...but after thinking about it i soooo sooo love the wonder part...but i must keep this poems original soul..so thankyou for the spelling check!!!!!!..but i'll kepp wonder afar!!!

  • Jailyn
    February 5

    Edit | Reply
    First off, i have to say Go jacob (i know its not related, but everyone I have talked to is Team edward.. and I must admit I am an Edward fan, but I adore Jacob too, think he is gorgeous)

    Now, as for the poem lol, I think this is a very strong and poetic piece. To be honest, I read it twice as when I read it the first time, I thought, from the first stanza, that it might end up being a slightly darker poem, but then in the second stanza you really took it to a different place. I'm not sure if its just me that thinks that, but from my point of view I liked reading the different tones/vibes in this poem.

    i agree with the other comments in terms of the fact that I like the last two lines of the poem the best, and I think that they not only provide great imagery but also leave the poem finished perfectly, giving readers the same sense of piece that the place in the poem describes.

    Thank you for entering my contest and for sharing your work~!


    • nobumagawaX
      February 5
      Edit | Reply

      wow,thank you!!!

      i really aprishiate your commeent..i feel very honnored by your words...i dont know what to say..but thank you verry much..i am so glad that it was good enough for you to read twice!!!!!!!!!!! ^_^.....even though i dont wont to admit it i change a line in this poem becuse it did kinda make it dark..i realized this and change it becuse it wasent pose to be like that...i admire your thoughts on this poem..it gives lots of life to it!!!!!!!! (my spelling is terible)^_^!!!!!!!!!


  • Draig aine gold member
    January 28
    Edit | Reply

    very excellent write-strong

    A field of peace untraced.

    the last line is stellar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 - 13 of 13