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Would Someone Please?

Missing image

Pain has become a friend of mine

for she visits all the time.

By my side she does stay

though I wish she'd go away.

She does not know her welcomes gone

that I never liked her all along.

And her foolish pride won't let her go

Would someone tell her? She needs to know.

 

Yes, pain stays with me everyday

while I let her guide the way.

Leading deeper into hell

for I am weakened by her spell.

She clings to me with all her might

holding on forever tight.

She is no longer welcome here

she needs to leave with her friend, fear.

I think it's time for her to go

would someone please let her know?

Author notes

How do I explain this piece? It would be like describing my depression which I live with daily. And if I could explain my depression, then maybe I, myself would understand it at least enough to know how to cure myself. So far, no cure!
Written February 18th, 2004

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 99 of 139     1 2  next >  (show all)

  • hey charlie
    February 7, 2008

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    Very nice. I'm not a fan of poems that rhyme but you've done a good job on this. Thanks for entering.


  • Shantalina
    January 26, 2006
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    I dont usually applaud contest poems, but this one is an exception. This was wonderful. Deffinately an HM at least! Great write! Thanks for entering, and good luck.


  • teardrop gold member
    January 25, 2006
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    Thank you for your great reply and reply.

    tD

  • Lorraine Galbraith
    January 25, 2006
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    this poem is excellent so well written and the rhyme scheme was perfect, you were also perfectly able to convey how youv been feeling and give readers an insight into the terrible world of depression which millions of people have to live with every day. I hope you have found a way to deal with your depression and can begin to enjoy life again!


  • Entwining Beauty
    January 1, 2006
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    i wish someone would take my pain away,this poem is amazing

  • teddyb251984
    May 2, 2005
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    Thank you for this poem. I have felt the same way many times in my life. I hope you beat the depression you face everyday!!


  • teardrop gold member
    May 2, 2005
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    Thak you for our reply.

    TD

  • LastingEmber
    May 1, 2005
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    i wish i knew a way to make it go away. i'd help alot of people if i did. i'd help myself. until then, i just want to be "numb". good luck in the contest


  • Floating Element
    May 1, 2005
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    I liked this poem, for it's simplicity and almost childlike quality. I did find the rhyming scheme a little cliched at times and did not feel the rhyme added to the poem rather distracted me a little from the content. Having said that your words explained depression very well and I enjoyed reading this. I hope one day your depression does leave you for good. Well done and thank you for entering.

  • ravnmad
    February 18, 2005
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    good poem,I could feel "pain" as if it was an actual person


  • December 26, 2004
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    You are truly gifted! You are an artist!


  • teardrop gold member
    November 15, 2004
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    Kelli,
    Thanks for your great reply!

    TD


  • teardrop gold member
    November 15, 2004
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    Hi carissa,
    Thank you for your reply!

    TD


  • teardrop gold member
    November 15, 2004
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    each to their own. Thanks for the read anyway.


  • littlewhitekitten
    November 14, 2004
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    *tear very sad. me liked it. it's ver touching
    carissa
    ^.~


  • BleedinNbroken
    November 14, 2004
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    i like this its really kool


  • lyrical princess
    November 14, 2004
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    great poem i love how it flows so greatly!!!hope u win....if not u me....

  • RaptureRhapsody
    November 14, 2004
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    By my side she does stay
    though I wish she'd go away.

    She is no longer welcome here
    she needs to leave with her friend, fear.

    Nice poem but... Those two lines seemed really sophomoric and contrived with the rhyming scheme. The rhyme didn't draw me in, I just thought 'Oh, she's rhyming'. It bothered me. Sorry I didn't like this more.


  • jem
    November 14, 2004
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    Hay I love your poem Personification, It's excellently written and I feel the emotion in it I to like many before me love the backround-Jem g'luck to you


  • teardrop gold member
    November 14, 2004
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    Thank you do much for your great reply.

    TD


  • November 14, 2004
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    Well then. This is a very interesting piece. It flowed nicely, and almost brought trears to my eyes. I kan feel your pain. Take kare and keep up the good work.


  • KelliClaire
    November 14, 2004
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    Holly Hell! Talk about talent! hehe! well keep up the good work and thanks for sharing!!!!

    xXxKellixXx


  • teardrop gold member
    November 13, 2004
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    Thank you for your reply.

    TD

  • DangerousPixie
    November 13, 2004
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    Great Job. this is a super poem keep it up


  • teardrop gold member
    November 13, 2004
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    Thank you for wonderful reply. Sometimes writting from the heart, you can never go wrong.

    TD


  • Kristen Corpse
    November 13, 2004
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    Very nice piece. Such simple rhyming couplets but pack a punch. Very clever word choice. Great job all around. Best of luck in the contest. Blessed be.

    Kristen


  • Tweaker123
    September 29, 2004
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    yay, this is such a good poem. i love it so much!!

  • Night0wI
    September 23, 2004
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    benred

  • teardrop gold member
    July 27, 2004
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    Thanks for your reply. I am sorry you too are feeling like this, I know just how deep it goes.

    Wishing you a gentle healing!

    TD


  • insanity08
    July 27, 2004
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    Wow. This was really, really good. I liked it a lot. It actually connected very well with how I feel about myself, etc. etc. I loved the lines, "She is no longer welcome here she needs to leave with her friend, fear."
    I also loved the background. Thanks for writing 'I will let you down' in your authors comment thing and thanks for entering, keep up the great work.
    *Insanity.#08


  • queen Moderators member
    May 5, 2004
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    excellent

    Pain and fear are such powerful emotions. once they get a hold of us they don't want to let go. I say kick them to the curb. Wonderful poem. Queen


  • teardrop gold member
    April 12, 2004
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    Hannah, Thank you for your reply to my poem.

    TD


  • milkdrop
    April 11, 2004
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    Good use of personification, it did work. Nice flow, too, even rhyme scheme and it didn't seem too forced. Good job and thanks for entering my contest!

    ~Hannah~

  • HoldMe
    March 27, 2004
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    Unique, and again worthy of all the applause and comments it has recieved. It's presented in a very unusual way, and it's somehow simplistic, and yet in that simplistic way it is truly deep and truly a marvelous write worthy of attention. It's flow is perfectly smooth and, as always, almost flawless.


  • teardrop gold member
    March 23, 2004
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    Thank you for your encouraging reply.

    TD

  • Flagrancy
    March 23, 2004
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    ooh...personification of pain...this was quite creative and has emotions that millions can relate to..great write, I liked this a lot

  • teardrop gold member
    March 21, 2004
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    Blue,
    Thank you for your reply. I don't however believe I have ever won a gold on this piece but very much enjoyed your contest...TD

  • --Blue--
    March 20, 2004
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    Very good. Your rhyming was done especially well. It wasn't forced at all and the rhythm was smooth, which gets props from me. Good work, unfortunately, you have already won a gold trophy and are unable to win this one. Thank you for entering though. This was very good and i always enjoy reading more!


  • Sheriff Chelsea
    March 11, 2004
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    This was very good! I really liked it, and it flowed perfectly, yet the rhyme seemed a tad forced in the beginning. I dunno...getting late...can't func...t..io...n. But I think I liked it.
    MxM

  • teardrop gold member
    March 3, 2004
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    P.J.
    I couldn't thank you anymore than I am right now for the smile you have just given me. Thank you so much!

    TD


  • March 3, 2004
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    Buzz off Pain! Buzz off Fear!
    I'm talkin' to you, what the hell - can't you hear?
    Teardrop said "hey, leave me alone",
    You've seen her work, she's pretty well known.
    So save yourself some trouble & strife,
    Get your ass right out of her life!

    Ok angel, all better now! Sincerely, P.J. ( Let me know if they give you any more garbage & next time we'll try a voodoo doll!)


  • teardrop gold member
    March 3, 2004
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    Desire, And I appreciate YOU as well. Thank you!

    TD


  • Desire gold member
    March 3, 2004
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    Thank you my dear~I feel honored ...Appreciate YOU~ and much love~Desire


  • teardrop gold member
    March 3, 2004
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    Desire,
    Thank you so much for your reply and your encouraging words.

    TD

  • Desire gold member
    March 3, 2004
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    to you sweetie and wish that pain away~May the fear subside and both of them flee in vain~Never to bother or harass~ For you have the boot to kick their a$$ets
    Stay strong sweetie...I wish you the best always my dear
    Big hugs and much love~Desire ...I made a comment yesterday but it did not take I see..ugh...but I am still smiling see


  • teardrop gold member
    March 2, 2004
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    leanne,
    Thank you for your wonderful reply.

    TD


  • teardrop gold member
    March 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your reply.

    TD

  • teardrop gold member
    March 2, 2004
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    death-fears-me,
    Thank you for your wonderful reply. I am sorry for anyone who must go through this depression.

    TD


  • teardrop gold member
    March 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you so much for your great reply.

    TD


  • teardrop gold member
    March 2, 2004
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    Hi gladgirl,
    Thank you for your great reply. Yea, I write from my heart.

    TD


  • teardrop gold member
    March 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Hi Amber, thank you for your wonderful reply.

    TD


  • leannewales
    March 2, 2004
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    a wonderful poem..showing your pain and emotion so clearly...so sorry you feel so down...but the poem itself is really a remarkable and expressive piece...well done ...hugs...leanne xxx

  • sonicman
    March 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    uhgg... its always a pain in the ass when you get this flew.
    but give it some time the sky might turn blue again.


  • death-fears-me
    March 2, 2004
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    amazing write, i wish i could express myself in a way even minutely like this.......... it was just...... awsome! I;m sorry that you feel this way though, for I've felt like this too, and i am feeling it right now.... but enought about me..... keep up the good work hun. love ya. hugz n kisses xXxdeath-fears-mexXx xoxoxoxoxoxox


  • March 2, 2004
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    Awesome!

    Wow, great ryhimng and very well put together, alot of poems i cannot understand sometimes, but yours i could truly understand, very very very awesome and nice job!

  • gladgirl101
    March 2, 2004
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    very good

    Wow! This poem is so sad and heartbreaking. Makes me want to cry. If you are really going through this, I am sorry,if not you are very god anyway. I loved it.


  • sogoodinblue
    March 2, 2004
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    Terrific

    Wow, this is great. I loved it. I can tell that there is pain in you life, and i hope that things will get better. You really are talented and this was a fantastic poem. Keep up the great work!
    Amber

  • teardrop gold member
    March 2, 2004
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    John,
    Thank you for your wonderful reply and encouraging words. I am trying to move on past the death of my family (dying at the same time) Ande this group here at AP have become my family and friends.

    TD


  • teardrop gold member
    March 2, 2004
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    Hi Rain,
    Thank you for such an insightful reply.

    TD

  • oneslowtyper
    March 1, 2004
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    This is really nice TD, from the words it's obvious that this is emotional pain, not the pain from a cut. These are the hardest types of pain to heal. One line in a poem I wrote said this:
    The pain inside cannot be fixed with band-aids, gauze, or stitches.
    It's in the mind and hard to find, the doctors it bewitches.

    Your words ring true, and to combine pain with fear makes the problem even harder to overcome.
    Combine equal parts time, patience, and friends, and eventually you will be cured. Take care,
    John

  • Dragonshadowed
    March 1, 2004
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    Pain and fear do so often seem to go hand in hand, don't they? This is amazing though, especially how you have given your pain an identity. I do hope that your pain leaves you soon, as nobody deserves to have pain, and for that matter, fear in their lives as a constant companion!


  • Fraon
    March 1, 2004
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    Damn

    Your poems are powerful, I'm going to have to read each and every one now, because just 3 have gotten me hooked. Great write, Loved the flow.
    ~Dios~


  • xShadowedxAngelx
    February 27, 2004
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    Great poem teardrop! i love the way you make emotions sound your friends great write! can i add you to my faourites? Jacqui


  • teardrop gold member
    February 26, 2004
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    Hi Sweety,
    Thank you for your encouraging words.

    TD

  • EmilyoftheAges
    February 26, 2004
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    Im sorry for all of your suffering. i have been in your position before and i can tell you that pain will leave with time. or so it did for me. I hope she leaves you soon


  • di ivers
    February 23, 2004
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    another great write my dear friend you have brought more tears to my eyes..but i love reading your writings i kinda get lost in a place that litterally makes me understand that there are pple who need to know and feel that they are loved..keep up the work love ya lots peace be with you always..and i love you my dear friend..

    ~~DI~~


  • CIndyReed
    February 23, 2004
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    pain is the worst feeling for me because makes me so angry, and some times with out knowing I make some else my victim, looking at my self at the mirrow is hard when I gain pounds, or I do something not that nice, I try to be as good A wonderwoman I can be, but am human I canīt, I like your poem so dark, but clear as ice for me....
    Take care
    Cindy
    Still awsome like always
    Edited on Feb 23, 9:23 because ''.


  • teardrop gold member
    February 21, 2004
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    Hi BB,
    What a breathtaking reply. Thank you for your encouraging words. They ring so true.

    TD


  • February 21, 2004
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    i love the way you used a person as a metephor for pain and fear; for they are like siamese twins, joined at the hip. i truely hope that you find enough courage to tell pain to leave, because then fear must part as well and then your horizon opens up and so does your potential. try to overcome pain, if not having her depart entirely, at least have her leave and then only come back once or twice a week. remember: if we dwell on the past, we shant have a future... not necessarily meaning for you to forget the past, but if all you can think about IS the past, then pain and fear shall never depart from your home or your mind. great write! im going to be reading more of yours. i like your style. keep it up.
    alwaz~BB

  • teardrop gold member
    February 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Bacardi,
    Whew! That is what I was drinking last night as wisg right now I hadn't. Anyway, thank you for your lovely reply dear!

    TD


  • teardrop gold member
    February 21, 2004
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    Thank you for your reply.

    TD


  • Ilykadothechacha
    February 21, 2004
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    This is really good. I really like it!!! ur a great writer!!! ur my idol!! ::giggle:: sry... im in a hyper/depressed mood.. its weird... sry.. i gotta focus... this is a great poem!!!

    Keep Writing

    Bacardi*~


  • false truths
    February 21, 2004
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    this was so beautiful and heartfelt... and the flow and rhyme scheme did help out with this... i'm so sorry for all of your pain, and i hope life brightens for you soon... ^_^ awesome job,

    -taori


  • teardrop gold member
    February 20, 2004
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    Hello again John, Thank you fot your encouraging review.

    TD


  • J Rhys Davies
    February 20, 2004
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    This was amazing; how you personified pain. It was such a vivid write. It's so interesting how fear and pain can go hand-in-hand so well, kind of like doubt and loneliness. Fabulous job through and through!


  • teardrop gold member
    February 20, 2004
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    Awww, thank you angel.

    TD


  • February 20, 2004
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    Awe, teardrop. I know how you feel in the midst of darkness, teardrops. Though, in the midst of darkness, light is around the corner. Hoping you are feeling better.

  • teardrop gold member
    February 20, 2004
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    Hi Katt,
    That is the sweetest thing, if everyone who read this could take just alittle but........That is such a deep thought. Thank you so much for your reply.

    TD


  • teardrop gold member
    February 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Hi Sanity,
    Thank you for your heartfelt reply.

    TD


  • Mrs Dazgy
    February 20, 2004
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    AWSOME!!!!!!!

    Teardrop,
    if everyone that reads your poetry could take just a little of your pain away maybe happiness would beem out from underneath your hurt..You have a lot of fans who dearly love your work. Each time you write we feel your emotions..I sincerely hope that you will turn a new corner soon and be rid of some of this fear and pain that your suffering as its so very well deserved..stay strong my friend.
    best wishes to you and your family
    katt..x


  • sanity
    February 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    I wish I could take away your pain, Your heart sounds really heavy, I have been there, really do know how you feel. A feeling of lonliness encompasses you which makes the pain even more unbearable. Take care and I hope your pain leaves you soon............

    Sanity.


  • teardrop gold member
    February 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Hi Kris,
    Thank you for your heartfelt reply.

    TD


  • teardrop gold member
    February 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Hi Sonya,
    Thank you for your reply to my poem. I really appreciate it.

    TD

  • teardrop gold member
    February 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Hi tiger,
    My heart to yours, I am sorry about your grandma. Thank you for your reply.

    Wishing you a gentle healing.

    TD

  • bl0nd3ath3art
    February 20, 2004
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    WOW great poem... sometimes i just feel like kicking "pain" in the butt and telling it/her to leave. Too bad shes stubborn. Well great poem. I love the line "for I am weakened by her spell." Wonderfuly put.
    ~Kris

  • tigeray
    February 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Gosh, I can so relate right now (my grandma died). Sometimes it seems like they won't ever dry up. Great poem!!
    Hang in there my dear
    Take Care-TGR


  • teardrop gold member
    February 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you so very much for your reply! I appreciate it alot!

    TD

  • SacrificeTheory
    February 19, 2004
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    Alot of feeling. And alot of good wording. Nice flow to this poem, it wasn't choped, or lost. And such a grand idea to include fear with pain. Excellent write.

  • teardrop gold member
    February 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Hi Natalia,
    Thank you so much my friend. I'm sorry I haven't been on line to much lately, I am trying to pack and go through things but I will catch you in yahoo soon, I hope.

    TD

  • teardrop gold member
    February 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Raven,
    I love you my friend! I will call you sometime soon. I have free long distance on my cell phone. I know you too have been fighting your own demons of depression and pain, and sis, I am so sorry. Maybe we can help each other out somehow, some way. Let me know what's the best time to call you and I will. I am on central time.

    Love you my friend,

    Rene'

  • teardrop gold member
    February 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Hello LadyKat,
    Thank you so much for your reply. You know, Jake and Mari touched my heart more than words can say by having this contest as well has the poems writen and the replies right here. I plan on printing all the poems and keeping them in a notebook for when pain comes knocking, I will have plenty of encouragement to read. Again, thank you so much for your reply.

    TD


  • teardrop gold member
    February 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Hello Spunky,
    Thank you for your heartfelt and encouraging words. I appreciate it alot.

    TD


  • teardrop gold member
    February 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Hi Dawn,
    Thank you for your heartfelt reply. I truly appreciate it alot.

    TD


  • finding myself 84
    February 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I have felt this way many times but I have never been talented nor smart enough to put it into a poem or words. Very very well done poem. Thank you for sharing this! *Sonya*


  • teardrop gold member
    February 19, 2004
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    Hello again tennis lover and thank you so much for your replies.

    TD

  • dancechica028
    February 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    teardrop-
    again i say that this poem is amazing. im speechless bcuz i dont know what else to say to compliment ur poem cuz it is fantastic! thanx for entering and good luck! plz do me a favor and keep on writin cuz u really HAVE the talent to go far!
    take care and good luck
    -tennis-lover


  • Talia
    February 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply


    This is just a heart breaking piece mate, you can feel the pleading in this piece and it just tears ya apart.

    Excellent write mate as always



    Natalia


  • Almighty Aphrodite gold member
    February 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Hello again, my friend...

    How you have managed to echo my feelings about pain and loneliness. I was thinking just today to have a teddy bear tattooed on me somewhere that says hug me, I'm lonely." (Pretty desperate measure for affection huh?) Most other people tell me to think positive, but when you've been down in the doldrums forever, it's extremely difficult, if not impossible, to bring yourself out of it. I hate being here, in this dark depression, but what the hell can I do? Sorrow won't flee no matter what tactic I use. (sigh) Truly, it's a frustrating manner! But I understand how you feel my dear...

    If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, or any other favor, you know where to find me...and if it's something that can't wait and I'm not online, you can reach me at (601) 918-0824, at any time. (if I don't answer, it's probably because I'm in class or something...but I'll return the call as soon as possible!)

    P.S: I will keep you in my prayers always.

    Many blessings,

    Raven Aurora


  • LadyKat
    February 19, 2004
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    Very lovely poem, with a lot of feeling put into it. It is very well written flowing. I hope with each comment and each entry to that contest brings more joys to be able to push the pain away.

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