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Shifting Gears




Change of life, grieving

soul; I know what makes me whole -

sadly, you're not it.





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1 - 5 of 5
  • SoulWhispher
    January 30
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    So well written with a powerfull message, great job Cyn, peace and blessings with love John


  • Life is a Beach gold member
    January 28
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    Short and to the point! Very good! Pam


  • arafura gold member
    January 28
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    Very clear and honest.


  • BonnieQ silver member
    January 28

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    Deep, Yet Clear in Meaning

    I'm not sure that this senryu flows as well as it could, mainly because the first line abruptly ends with one word on the second line and a semi-colon breaks into the second line. I understand that, ordinarily, haikus and senryus reflect no punctuation. How about something like this:
    "Lives change grieving soul (meter 5)
    I know what will make me whole (meter 7)
    sadly you're not it" (meter 5)

    Regardless, this senyru IS very good. I get the impression, simply from the word soul, that you are defining that one human cannot make another whole, only God. Please correct me if I err in my perception of this piece: perhaps, it has more than one meaning, somewhat like the Bible. I tend to think everything revolves around our awesome Father and His Christ.

    Much love & hugs, BonQ


  • fortyninereasons gold member
    January 28

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    ouch!
    clever
    I like it

    Juls

1 - 5 of 5