im walking across a magic carpet that keeps moving out from under my feet

So many feelings
Rush through my veins
They tear me apart
And tell me I’m right
There’s nothing more painful
Than this
And I hate that I know
What you felt
When its not what I would’ve hoped

I’m short of the truth
And the figurines keep dancing
To their stupid love song
When none of it is real
Its all in their heads
And normally
I love those things
Those figments of imagination
But right now
Just give it to me straight
Do you love me or not?
Because I don’t think you do
That moment, those words
You just don’t understand, do you?
I’m different than that
Maybe what you saw
Was the truth way back then
But now is different
Cant you see that?

And you
the one who made me feel good
And bad at the same time
When I thought there was something
I was supposed to say
You said it for me
And I went to bed crying
But for good
And bad at the same time
Yes I’m repetitive
But I don’t care
These two competitive feelings
Keep turning into a monster
Raging inside me

I’ve always wondered how it was done
That you could say one thing
That the other person thinks is great
But you meant it some way else
Where are these things coming from?
And why cant I get rid of them
The way I’m living
Just doesn’t make sense
Keep me alive
Just one last time
Protect me from those finer words
And pretend to hate me
Maybe it will be better
Than committing the crime
Of thinking

This poem is stupid
But its my thoughts anyway
Just get away from me
Or hug me close
Swear at me through the phone
Or whisper “I love you” in my ear
Take a knife to my throat
Or use it to cut baloney sandwiches
At a picnic
Like when we were kids
Betray me
And then never talk to me again
Or say you’d rather die than tell my secrets
Write more of those hate letters
Or take the old ones
And burn them to ashes

I guess what I’m trying to say
Is that I want you
To choose
Pick one or the other
Hate
Or love
But don’t get stuck in the middle
Because they will confuse my feelings
And the pain will never cease
Don’t get me
All hyped up
And then break down that wall
And come crashing through my city
Stomping on my heart
Like it was an annoying pest
That you just want to get rid of

So once again, tell me
Write me a letter
Or send me an email
Call my cell
I don’t care
Just leave a message
When I don’t pick up
Explain it all
And then tell me goodbye
I’ll shed a few tears
And that will be all
But trust me
It will be so much better
Than telling me you love me
And the next day
Writing a letter to me
About how you hate me so much
Just to make me fall