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Carrion

That bird on your tongue
Flies out in rage;
Pecks at my heart.
If only you had kept it in a cage.

Once it sang, winging joy,
Stirred my soul.
And my response, praises lifting,
Love's sweetest melody extol.

Now what decomposes
On your tongue?
What vile and vulturous creature
Has turned odiferous dung?

Cursed and carrion, what flies now

is airborne without hope
Containment no more possible
Than stench-filled water with a rope.

Author notes

The lack of meter here is deliberate.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Night Hope gold member
    October 19, 2009

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    That old saying about sticks and stones has never held true - words will slay people, bring them to their knees...and the scars from them never fade. Good one, Lita.


  • Draig aine gold member
    February 22, 2009

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    well done indeed

    Cursed and carrion, what flies now
    is airborne without hope
    Containment no more possible
    Than stench-filled water with a rope.

    then ending is a clincher, airborn with out hope,
    just stunning

  • Kari gold member
    February 10, 2009

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    This write really is raw. You did outstanding with the wording in this piece. Thanks for your entry and the best of luck to you in the contest.
    Kari


  • Still Standing gold member
    February 9, 2009

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    but the imagery....

    is on point!!!

    That bird on your tongue
    Flies out in rage;
    Pecks at my heart.
    If only you had kept it in a cage.

    Sometimes people say some of the most foul stuff and it makes you never want to travel down that road again to hear those vile words ever again, like why put yourself through it!!! I agree!!! Good job Thanks for the entry and good luck


  • Sheli gold member
    February 1, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    I woulld say this is raw and relentless. Your vocabulary brings it to life!


    • hawkeslake gold member
      February 1, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks -- I don't know if it meets the contest criteria, but it felt good to write it!


  • Callisto Athena gold member
    January 29, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Is it not true, we always seem to run into people in our lives that start out singing the sweetest tunes and end up being some of the worst people we've ever met? I've certainly met my share! You really expressed your feelings quite well in this..


    • hawkeslake gold member
      January 31, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      Yes, indeed! On one job the woman who hired me was all graciousness and light, but 3 years and a promotion later, she turned into a psychopath! This was a great vent! Thanks for your support! Lita


  • BellaAmare
    January 28, 2009

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    Wonderful.

    I love how I had to think of what you were relaying. I loved the introduction, as you started it off very beautifully, and you kept the flow of the poem, and you have us at the edge of our seats wondering what going to happen next.

    Good job!
    Thanks.


    • hawkeslake gold member
      January 28, 2009

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much; I am so glad you felt the energy of this rather than be put off by it! This was actually good to get out!


  • Harrisham Minhas gold member
    January 28, 2009

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    Wonderfully expressed.


  • cubert
    January 28, 2009

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    The metre didn't bother once I realised there wasn't any and started over. This was interesting to read aloud, sometimes spitting the words out. Fantastic, fantastic piece. The third stanza was my favourite and the last two lines were brilliantly unique.


    • hawkeslake gold member
      January 28, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much! This really was a reach, back to a person who was truly a vile creature... so good to get this out!

1 - 14 of 14